The Twelve Fights of Christmas
by FrivolousFlare
Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and all the Titans want to do is chill out and enjoy a stress-free holiday. But apparently the villains of Jump City have other plans. Will they manage to keep their strength up as more villains join the fray? Will they find and defeat whoever's behind his before Christmas? And will Beast Boy ever finish baking his gingerbread!
1. T'was the Night Before Christmas

**So, this is the third time I've tried to get this story uploaded. I keep failing to actually get it up with regular updates, but I'm determined this time around. For those that read it before, early chapters have been edited a little (improved?), so are worth reading.**

 **This is basically a little bit of action-packed Christmas fun. Enjoy!**

* * *

 _T'was the day before Christmas, and all through the tower, the Titans were practising their stupendous powers..._

 _Apart from Robin who didn't have any._

Robin threw one last punch at the heavy, leather bag dangling from the ceiling. It flew backwards, chain rattling, and hurtled back towards him. He dodged last minute then stepped away to let its momentum slow to a gentle swing and finally stillness. Robin puffed twice, out of breath from exertion. Around him, his team mates were still exercising: Beast Boy was swinging from a high set of bars, switching to a different animal with every leap; Raven was levitating a set of heavy blocks hurling with her powers; Starfire and Cyborg were weight-lifting.

Robin checked the clock above the door: 7pm. "All right, team," he called. Gradually, the other titans stopped what they were doing to look over at him. "That's enough for today."

Beast Boy grinned – an odd look for a baboon – and flipped down from the bars, transforming back into a human as he landed. "Finally! Time to make my famous egg-free, butter-free gingerbread cookies!"

"As long as you don't expect us to eat any of them," Cyborg said, grimacing at the thought of vegan gingerbread. "Keep to one half of the kitchen; I gotta prep the turkey for tomorrow's dinner."

Beast Boy pulled a face as the two of them made their way out of the training room and up to the kitchen. "Dude! I've been a turkey! He was probably one of my friends!" he cried.

"Since when did you spend your time hanging with turkeys?"

"Uh..."

* * *

Within ten minutes, Cyborg and Beast Boy were elbows deep in uncooked turkey and flour respectively. Meanwhile, Robin, Starfire and Raven settled down in front of the television to watch a documentary about frostbite and amputation – Starfire's choice.

They had just reaching a particularly gruesome segment – a doctor was scraping away a layer of purple skin to reveal brown, gooey flesh underneath – when the alarm suddenly went off.

"Titans, trouble!" Robin said, leaping to his feet. They rushed over to the computer where Cyborg quickly tapped a few buttons.

"At Parry's Orchard, just outside town," he said. "Don't know how serious it is and it's freezing outside. Should we take the car?"

Robin nodded. "Let's go."

The group rushed down to the car – Raven was already buckled in the back seat, having transported straight there – and clambered inside. Cyborg carefully climbed into the front and started up the engine.

Usually, it would take fifteen minutes to drive, but with the empty roads and Robin jiggling his knee impatiently in the passenger seat, Cyborg managed to make it in seven, only breaking the speed limit a few times along the way.

They expected the perpetrators to be a bunch of young miscreants who'd broken into the brewery for some free perry and the opportunity to cause mischief. However, when they arrived and burst through the old, wooden doors, having found the pear orchards free of mayhem, the Titans were surprised to find Billy Numerous running amok.

And several of his clones.

"Lookie here, Billy!" Billy cried, rolling around the room on a barrel of freshly-made perry.

"Nice one, Billy!" Billy replied from the top of a mountain of boxes, stamped with the brewery's logo. "How's them pears, Billy?"

Two Billys, ripping open bags bulging with pears, wiped fruit juice from their mouths and gave a thumbs up. "They taste like fruit, Billy," one said.

"Dee-sgusting!" said the other. They dropped half-eaten pears back into the bags, cackling. "Lookin' good, Billy!" they called to another Billy.

"Thanks, Billy!" Billy grinned, force-feeding Parry Partridge, the orchard owner, another rotten pear as another Billy used Parry's bald head as a bongo.

"Hey, Billy." Billy frowned, drawing the bottle of perry away from his mouth. "This is the weirdest apple juice I ever had."

"That's 'cause it ain't apple juice, Billy," answered Billy. "It's pear juice."

"Alco-holic pear juice," Billy added.

"Drop the booze, Billy. This party's over." Robin and the rest of the Titans stood in the doorway, mouths set in unamused straight lines. The Billys looked up in alarm, expressions of horror on their faces, and simultaneously they gulped.

Before head Billy could think up some witty retort, Beast Boy had transformed into a bull and rammed into his stomach. Billy smashed into a stack of barrels which burst upon impact and sprayed everyone with cold perry.

Raven began picking up empty barrels and slamming them down on the Billys whilst Starfire wrenched the distillation tank from the wall and swung it at another group of clones. It sailed through the air and pinned the villains against the wall.

Meanwhile, Robin was picking off clones one-by-one with several well-aimed karate kicks and punches. For every body that went down, more would gather around like lemmings to a brightly-dressed cliff face, jeering and hooting until they were swiftly silenced. Behind them, Cyborg blasted away remaining Billys with his sonic cannon.

For the next few minutes the Titans beat the jingle bells out of Billy Numerous. It was an easy job as he wasn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, and he was without the support of the H.I.V.E. Five. Soon, they had whittled the army of clones down to the original – slightly tipsy – Billy, who Starfire had chucked into a crate and now sat and on top to keep him in.

The police arrived a short while later, their sirens and flashing lights disrupting the peacefully dark night outside as they skidded to a halt on the grass. Robin explained the situation to the officer in charge – Sgt. Miller – as Starfire to carried the crate containing Billy to the police car.

"Schools may have broken up for the holiday, but criminal scum bags sure haven't," Sgt. Miller commented. "Thanks for your help, Titans. Merry Christmas!"

Robin didn't reply. He watched coldly as, with a series of slams, the officers disappeared into their cars. They were soon speeding away down the dark country road towards the golden glimmer of Jump City.

"It's strange that Billy should be working on his own," Robin mused as his team mates gathered around him. "The H.I.V.E. Five are probably up to something."

Cyborg's arm flipped open with a series of beeps. "I'll run a check on the security systems of the banks, museums and high end stores in Jump, check for any breeches or anomalies," he said, pressing a series of buttons. "If they are up to something, they would have been breaking in whilst Billy was distracting us here."

A strange mumbling sounded from the brewery. Followed by a scratching. A moan. A growl. A thud. The door shook. Robin and Raven exchanged confused frowns before cautiously approaching the door with the other Titans. It suddenly burst open to reveal a perry-drenched, rope-bound, grumpy old man.

"You teenage hooligans!" the man warbled. "Look what you've done to my brewery! It's been in my family for three generations and you've destroyed it! Get off of my property, you hoodlums! If I find you around here again, I'll have you arrested for trespassing!"

And with that he hopped back inside, grumbling bitterly all the way.

"Huh, I thought he'd be more grateful," Beast Boy commented after the resounding bang of the door being slammed in their faces had faded.

"Maybe if we'd found and untied him," Raven pointed out drily.

Beast Boy pouted. "I didn't know he was in there!"

"We didn't even get any free perry," Cyborg complained, marching back towards the T-car, frown illuminated by the glow of his arm-screen. "It would've gone great with my turkey."

Starfire blinked slowly, looking between her other teammates as they clambered back into the vehicle. "I do not understand this obsession with fermented juices of fruits and other produce," she said.

"It's a type of drink that makes people feel better about themselves," Raven explained.

"Oh!" Her eyes lit up. "Like the celebratory brew of fnargorf?"

"...Yeah."

* * *

Someone, somewhere, was sitting and smirking.

It had begun.

* * *

 **This chapter's title is from Clement Clarke Moore's 'A Visit from St. Nicholas' (1823)**


	2. A Blot of English Mustard

The T-Car had barely made it back to Jump City – driving at a more legal speed now – when the alarms went off again, filling the vehicle with red light. Beast Boy groaned loudly, head lolling onto Raven's shoulder. "We don't even get Christmas Eve off," he grumbled, pouting when Raven shoved him away from her. "At least I didn't put my gingerbread in the oven..."

"It belongs in a bin if you ask me," Cyborg replied, jabbing something on the dashboard. He sighed. "Fashion museum."

"Who?" Robin asked.

"Mad Mod."

"Why am I not surprised..." droned Raven as Cyborg swerved sharply to the right.

Beast Boy was thrown onto Raven's lap by the force, but quickly scrambled off as her eyes flared with black energy. "Maybe he's gone to steal a sense of style?"

"Maybe you should try stealing a sense of humour," Raven replied.

Cyborg guffawed into the steering wheel, and only laughed harder when he caught Beast Boy's look of betrayal in the rear view mirror.

The museum came up on their right. Slamming his foot on the breaks, Cyborg brought the car to a sudden stop on the curb. Robin immediately leapt out and ran into the building with a cry of "Titans, go!"

The first few exhibits were quiet and dark, untouched. They surged past Roman togas and Aztec dresses, through corridors lined with English corsets and Japanese kimonos. Hurtled between mannequins draped with Victorian gowns and Georgian wigs.

Finally, in the _Roaring '20s_ exhibit, they found Mod. He was standing in the centre of the room, dressed in his usual Union Jack apparel, hair a vibrant shade of red. A large grin was stretched across his face revealing slightly crooked, yellow teeth.

"Ah!" he crooned, leaning on his cane, "Titans, my duckies! I was beginning to wonder if your crime alert was broken. I wouldn't be surprised with these shoddy American electronics." The British fiend sashayed to the left, stopping before a wooden dummy displaying a flapper dress with black fringing.

The Titans hovered in the doorway, waiting for Mod to do something. However, he seemed only interested in looking at the clothes on display. "What are you doing, Mod?" Robin demanded, fists clenching.

"I was just doing a spot of late night Christmas shopping," Mad Mod replied, slowly making his way around the exhibit, shoes clicking on the white laminate floor. He stopped suddenly by a glass display case which held a pair of red suede gloves, lined with fur and tiny silver jewels. "My dear mumsie is very difficult to shop for, but I know she'd _love_ these gloves!"

"Only if her fashion taste is as bad as yours," Robin growled before taking a running leap to sock him in the face. However, just before he reached him, Mod side stepped and held up his cane.

"Not so fast, Robin," said Mod, waggling a finger as if admonishing a naughty schoolboy. "It looks like you don't understand the true meaning of Christmas. Let me enlighten you." He sighed dramatically and clasped his hands by his cheek, then continued in a high, dreamy voice, "It's about giving to the poor and needy. Like my poor mum, who's in desperate need of a new pair of gloves."

Robin scowled. "The only thing your mother's in need of is a better son."

A wicked smirk spread across Mod's mouth as he twirled his cane then clipped it against the floor. "Ooh, very rude. Not to worry: I'll fix you up with a bit of help from my old friend Charlie."

He slammed his thumb down on red jewel topping the cane. Suddenly, all the doors were wrenched off of their hinges and three bizarre robots thudded in.

The first was small – barely up to Beast Boy's shoulders – and bright white. A huge bulb glowed gently on top of its head like a sputtering candle flame. The body looked almost transparent, like cloudy ice encasing tiny wires and circuit boards. The light bulb burned brighter and brighter, humming with energy, then shot a blazing laser at Starfire who had to perform an awkward back flip to avoid it.

The second robot was huge, easily twice Cyborg's size. It resembled a well-fed man wearing a sweeping green cloak and carrying a magnificent cornucopia of glittering fruits. The robot reached into the horn, plucking out a red plum, and threw it at Raven's feet. It exploded on impact, throwing the Titan into a wall.

The third robot was the creepiest. It was tall, the same height as the second, but very thin and was swathed in a billowing black cloak. This one didn't shoot lasers or throw bombs, but wielded a large scythe which glinted in the light.

"What the dickens?" Cyborg cried out, gazing at the three mismatched figures.

"Precisely!" Mad Mod replied. "Now, my Christmas ghosts! Teach them the true meaning of Christmas!"

The robots launched into action. Soon, the air was thick with lasers, exploding fruits, and the haunting _swish_ of sharp blades. Raven and Starfire darted around the ceiling, black scorch marks in their wake were they narrowly avoided the white robot's lasers. Beast Boy morphed into an armadillo when the scythe robot nearly took his head off, and was now curled in a ball and rolling across the floor.

"Get the cane," Robin yelled, dodging a bombardment of exploding apples. "We need to stop these robots!"

Raven and Starfire nodded and swooped down, flying full speed towards Mod. However, he casually held out his arm. Chains shot out from under his sleeve and wrapped around them.

Robin grabbed a bird-a-rang from his belt and threw it into the green robot's cornucopia, which promptly exploded, blowing the robot to bits. He then charged towards Mod, avoiding another lot of glinting silver chains, and swung his foot out to knock the cane from his hand, only for his shoe to go straight through him.

Seeing the look of surprise on Robin's face, Mod grinned and said, "What? Maybe I'm an undigested bit of beef? Or a fragment of underdone potato?"

"My potatoes are never underdone!" Cyborg yelled in anger, aiming his sonic cannon at Mod, only for the blast to pass through as well.

"Wait, if he's a hologram..." Something clicked in Robin's head. He turned around sharply to see that the gloves were no longer in the glass case and something small was sneaking out the other door. "Stop that robot!" he yelled, pointing at the exit.

Beast Boy was closest. He morphed into a leopard, dodging another swing of the cloaked droid's scythe, and pounced onto the small figure. There was a metallic clang as its head dashed against the ground, denting the metal skull. Upon this closer inspection, Beast Boy saw that the robot was in the shape of a small boy with a crippled leg and a crutch. In its free hand were the gloves.

The robot lifted its crutch and aimed it at Beast Boy's face, the tip beginning to glow orange. Beast Boy turned into a gorilla, grabbed the crutch and twisted it around just before a deadly laser was fired. The amber beam blasted the robot, melting its torso.

"God bless us, everyone..." the robot croaked weakly before going still. The gloves from from its limp hand.

"You killed Tiny Tim!" Mad Mod's hologram cried in horror. "Christmas Future, off with his head!"

Beast Boy turned and watched in frozen terror as the third robot, which had sneaked up on him, raised the scythe above his head and brought it swiftly down. Just as the blade was about to slice through his neck, it was encased in dark energy and wrenched from the robot's grip. Then, as if held by an invisible hand, the scythe turned about in mid air and cleaved the robot in two.

"Thanks, Raven," breathed Beast Boy, transforming back into a human and getting up off the floor, clutching the gloves.

Meanwhile, Starfire had also broken free of the chains and joined Cyborg in shooting at the small, white robot. However, this proved rather difficult as the droid was fast and agile, weaving through the exhibit and dodging their attacks with ease.

Cyborg growled as yet another sonic blast missed. "This isn't working!" he called. "It's too fast!"

"If we only knew where the real Mad Mod is hiding," said Starfire, "We could use his controlling cane to terminate the robot."

Robin frowned, face steeled with determination. "Cyborg, can you use the other robots to track down Mod's signal?"

Cyborg glanced at the broken forms of the other three robots and grinned. "I'll see what I can do."

'What's wrong, my duckies?" asked Mad Mod, cackling as he waved his cane around dramatically. "Run out of Christmas spirit?"

Cyborg ducked to avoid a laser and skidded across the floor to hunch over the remains of the scythe-robot. After fiddling with the exposed wires and tapping the screen on his arm, he smirked. "He's directly beneath us," he told Robin.

Robin nodded. Glancing around to assure himself his team could handle without him – judging by the way Starfire was furiously unleashing green energy on the remaining robot, they would be fine - he rushed out of the room and thundered down the nearest stairwell. Robin burst through a heavy metal door and found Mad Mod, grey-haired and wrinkly, plugged into a large machine, laughing evilly.

"This carol's over, Scrooge," Robin said, bo-staff held firmly in front of him. Mod abruptly stopped laughing turned in his chair, grabbing his cane as he did so.

"Come in and know me better, man!" he croaked with a smirk, standing up and brandishing his cane. The tip opened up and a thin blade to slide out, like a bayonet.

However, despite the old man's best efforts, Robin disarmed him easily, knocking the cane out of his hand and sending it flying across the room where it snapped against a wall.

"Bah," said Mod, "humbug."

After replacing the gloves in their case, the Titans dragged Mod, along with his destroyed robots, out of the museum and onto the street outside. It didn't take long for the police to arrive again. Sgt. Miller was there again, shaking his head as his team handcuffed Mod and forced him into the back of a car.

"Not another. I was just about to sign off for the evening," said Miller with a heavy sigh.

"So were we," Beast Boy grumbled.

There was commotion as Mod tried to climb out through the window, shaking his fist at the police officers. "You won't be so lucky next time," he cried. "I'll have you boiled with your own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through your heart!"

"Eurgh, nasty," Cyborg commented as the team walked back to the T-Car.

"This has been a most strange night," remarked Starfire.

"Why do I get the feeling," Raven said drily as a few, wayward flakes of snow drifted through the sky, "it's going to get a lot stranger?"

* * *

 **This chapter's title is from 'A Christmas Carol' (1843) by Charles Dickens. The actual quote is: "You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!"**


	3. Quelque Chose de Festif

The Titans were only half way home when the alarm went off again.

"Aw, man," Cyborg moaned. "Three in one night? On Christmas Eve?"

Robin leant forward and pressed a few buttons on the dashboard to find where the alert had come from. "The opera house," he house. "Something's set off the alarms."

"Any idea who?" Beast Boy asked.

Robin gave him a grim frown and shook his head. "No intel on who – or what. We'd better hurry."

Slamming his foot down, Cyborg sped them down a few narrow streets, ignoring Starfire's yelp when a particularly violent swerve made her knock her head against the window.

They reached the opera house in three minutes flat. They didn't bother parking; Cyborg pulled the car onto the curb outside then hurtled after Robin into the building. A group of security guards met them at the door, dressed in dark blue with shades and earpieces. There was no greeting, just a nods of acknowledgement before the guards turned and led them to the disturbance.

The opera house was huge: built out of steel and planes of thick, marbled glass. Through the twisting, winding corridors they ran, past dressing rooms and café areas and studios. Every now and again they'd come across a paralyzed guard, slumped on the ground, and patches of sticky residue on the walls and ceiling.

"Looks like Fang," said Cyborg. They skidded to a halt by a dressing room, outside of which were several unconscious and paralyzed men. The Titans glanced at each other then entered. The room had been ransacked, with tables tipped over and shards of smashed mirror all over the floor. The chaos was accompanied by a dramatic wailing from above.

"Madame Beauparlant!" one of the guards cried. "Madame St. Sauveur!"

Suspended from the ceiling by large amounts of sticky webbing were two middle-aged women. Both were broad shouldered and plump. However one had tanned skin and golden hair, whilst the other was a pale brunette. Starfire and Raven immediately flew up to peel them from the webs then brought them gently to the ground.

"Zere was a monster!" shrieked the blonde. "A 'orrible monster! 'e 'ad a spider for a 'ead!" She clutched the front of a cornblue silk dress, knuckles turning into lumps of bone in a pool of soft skin and flesh.

"It stolen ours jewels!" said the brunette, straightening out her crumpled red skirt. "And sticked us to ze ceiling."

"It stole my sapphire necklace!" cried the first. Her fingers scratched at her wobbling bare throat. "It was a gift from my 'usband!"

Robin touched his hand to a splattering of web on the wall, but quickly drew away. "Still sticky."

"'e leaved four minutes before," the woman in red told them. "Per'aps you are catching 'im?"

Before Robin could reply, there was a screech from outside the room. The Titans leapt into action and burst through the door just in time to see the monstrous form of Fang scuttle around a corner. On the floor by his feet was another woman, slimmer than the first two, in an opulent purple gown.

"Aidez-moi!" she cried. "Mes diamants! Mes rubis! Mes bébés mousseux!"

The Titans ran past her, preparing attacks as they tore after Fang. The woman in purple frowned as she watched them run, still sprawled on the ground. "Donc, tu ne vas pas à m'aider à me relever?"

It didn't take long to reach Fang. Immediately, Starfire blasted him into the pale cream wall with her eye-beams. Before he could pick himself up, Robin slammed his staff into his head with a sickening crunch.

Fang grunted, throwing himself sideways out of their line of fire. Then he quickly shot a few webs in their direction. Robin managed to leap out of the way, but Starfire and Beast Boy weren't quick enough and found themselves stuck to the opposite wall.

Fang stood and began to run. He didn't get far; Raven wrenched a closet door from its hinges and used it to block his path. Fang turned sharply and climbed up the wall to the ceiling, but the door followed him and smashed him into the plaster.

Fang fell to the floor in a crumpled heap, groaning. Cyborg raised his arm, sonic cannon at the ready, but he hesitated.

A mistake. Fang suddenly jolted up, shooting sticky blasts wildly around the room. Robin and Raven successfully avoided them, but one shot caught Cyborg's leg and propelled him backwards into a heavy black door which buckled under the force. He aimed his sonic cannon at Fang, but the man-spider saw it coming and spat out another web. It covered the cannon moments before it fired.

Cyborg's arm exploded with blue light, blasting the ceiling and sending lumps of plaster crashing down. Fang turned and fled.

Starfire finally managed to free herself from the sticky web and set to work yanking Beast Boy down too whilst Robin helped a woozy Cyborg to his feet. "C'mon, before he gets away," he commanded.

"It's these small corridors," Cyborg complained, picking a bit of rubble from his joints. "Barely any room to dodge his webs."

"We need to get him somewhere more open," said Raven, frowning.

Beast Boy smirked and pointed at a blue sign on the wall with an arrow pointing in the direction Fang had scurried in. "Uh, dudes, I think we're in luck."

* * *

With only a faint scuttling sound and Beast Boy's bloodhound nose to follow, the Titans made their way as quickly and quietly as they could through the theatre. Eventually they burst into a small room with black walls, then through a set of double doors to a very thin walk-way with several wires snaking across the ground. Thick, black curtains hung at one end, rustling faintly.

Without pausing, Robin burst through the curtains and onto the rubbery floor of the stage. Fang scuttled to the front and into the thankfully empty auditorium. He had a bit of trouble getting across the red and purple plush seats in his attempt to reach the back doors.

"Star, Raven, fly ahead and bar the doors. We'll hold him back," called Robin. The two girls shot forward to the exit doors, Starfire melting them shut and Raven ripping up bits of furniture to block them. Cyborg had managed to get his cannon working again and was blasting shot after shot at Fang. Accuracy was proving difficult in the low light of the auditorium, lit only by hazy lamps on the walls, and the glow of Starfire and Cyborg's attacks. Fang was tearing chairs from the rows and using them to defend himself.

"Beast Boy!" Robin yelled as another exploding disk failed to hit its mark. "We need light!"

"On it!" Beast Boy called back, morphing into a bat. He fluttered around the dark room, searching for something to help illuminate the area. Soon he spotted a window leading to a space at the back of the auditorium where the control panel for the stage lights was located. Taking a deep breath, he shot toward the glass pane, shifting into a bull at the last minute and breaking through. Without missing a beat he turned back into a human and sat down at the panel, cracking his knuckles. "Right…let's see… Uhhh…"

Rows and rows of unlabelled buttons stared back at him, like shining silver eyes. The first few seemed to do nothing at all. One opened up a large trapdoor in the centre of the stage with an ear-grating _creeeaaak_. The next lowered a large disco ball.

"Hurry up, BB!" Cyborg shouted loudly. "Before he- AH!"

"I'm trying! Uh… Ooh! I know!" Beast Boy slammed both hands down at one side of the panel and swept them across, pushing every single button. Immediately, the stage and auditorium burst into life and all the lights simultaneously flickered on. The opulent chandelier, dripping with crystals, sent rainbows sparkling across the walls. Red, green and blue lights flooded the stage, hitting the disco ball and flicking white splashes across the floor.

"That bright enough for you?" Beast Boy yelled through the hole in the window.

Fang winced at the sudden brightness and slipped over, falling between two chairs. He managed to crawl out to the main aisle, where Robin, Raven and Starfire crowded around him, trapping him. Beast Boy watched from his perch then glanced around for something to help deliver the final blow.

A wide, excited grin crept across his face. "I've always wanted to do this," he sighed before leaping into the air and taking flight as an eagle. He landed on the top of the chandelier, morphing into a monkey, and began undoing the screws attaching it to the ceiling. The first did nothing, but the second had the chandelier swaying. The third made it buckle to one side. Then…

"LOOK OUT BELOW!"

Seconds later the chandelier came crashing down. The Titans leapt out of the way, but Fang wasn't so agile.

"Nice, thinking, BB," Cyborg said, patting Beast Boy's shoulder as he limped past. His leg joints were stiff with webbing. "Little violent though."

Robin didn't look so impressed. "He's breathing, at least."

"Ze chandelier! Mon dieu…Ah, ze man spider! It is 'ideous! Is it dead?" The three ladies ran out from behind the wing curtains, practically glowing under the stage lights. They came to a halt by Fang's twitching body, their faces screwed up in disgust.

"It is no dead," the woman in red snapped. "It is, as is said, incon-see-us."

"Mes bijoux. Où sont mes bijoux? Je veux que mes bijoux!" the purple woman moaned. Raven used her magic to extract a small pouch from the shattered chandelier and unzipped it, revealing a treasure trove of gold and gemstones. Immediately, the three women descended on the bag like vultures, fighting over each jewel. Soon, they were dripping with glittering riches.

"Zank you, zank you!" the blue woman said, grabbing Robin and kissing his cheeks. "'ow can we ever repay you?"

"Ah, us are sorry," the red woman said. "Zere 'ave not had ze introduc-tee-ons. I am Lisette St. Sauveur."

"My name is Euphrasie Beauparlant," the blue woman said then gestured the lady in purple. "And zis is Veronique Dufort."

"She does no speak ze English," Lisette added. Veronique frowned at the team of superheroes, sharp green eyes taking in the strange appearance and interesting attire.

"Qui sont ces gens destinés à être? Le cirque? Cirque de monstres, plus comme!"

Cyborg blinked at her then glanced at his team. "Uhh, anyone speak French?"

"I perhaps could learn i-" Starfire began but Robin hastily cut her off.

"No need, Star."

"Do not be ze worrying," Lisette said. "I can talking for you to her."

Robin nodded. "We're the Teen Titans. We're superheroes."

Lisette repeated this in French to Veronique. Veronique's frown deepened as she stepped forward, eyes trained on Robin. "Qui êtes-vous? La lumière de trafic d'êtres humains?" she eventually asked.

Robin didn't look impressed. He wasn't sure what she'd said, but judging by her tone it wasn't a compliment. "Je suis Robin, um, le leader. C'est Cyborg, Starfire, Raven et Beast Boy," he said, pointing to each member of his team in turn, hoping that directly addressing her in his attempt at French would improve her attitude towards them.

Veronique said nothing, but instead proceeded to inspect each Titan one by one.

"I apologize. Veronique does not like anyzing zat is not French," Euphrasie explained. "She is very patriotic."

"I see." He glanced over at the purple-clad woman, who was hovering over Beast Boy.

"Ah! Celui-ci est vert!" she exclaimed. "Quel genre de plaisanterie est-ce? Et sa dent? At-il jamais été chez le dentiste? Bien que peut-être il est un chirurgien plastique dont il a besoin. Regardez ces oreilles!"

"Uh, merci?" Beast Boy tried, having not understood a word of it.

"We having to find a way to zank you!" said Lisette. "Ah, I know! Tickets! To our concert!"

"Concert?" Beast Boy perked up and scurried over.

("Il est un vampire de leur équipe," said Veronique, frowning at Raven. "Ou peut-être un moine? Vous êtes sûr que ce sont des super-héros et pas un nouveau culte religieux?")

"Oui, a concert!" Lisette said with a wide smile.

"We sing," explained Euphrasie. "In fact, we were in ze middle of a concert when zat 'orrible monster attacked us in our dressing room. Veronique was on stage at ze time, for 'er solo."

(Veronique had by now left Raven to stare in horror at Cyborg. "Celui-ci ne porte pas de vêtements! Et il fait partie machine! Si ce n'est une sorte de nouvelle mode de la mode alors je ne suis pas impressionné. Il ressemble à un costume de Lady Gaga!")

"We 'ave anozer one in zree days!" said Lisette. "You are welcome to watch us!"

"We are world famous opera singers!" Euphrasie threw her arms out, a large sapphire pendant bouncing on her chest. "Perhaps you 'ave 'eard of us? Les trois poules Françaises!"

"Uhh…" Robin, Beast Boy and Raven exchanged looks before shaking their heads. "Sorry, no," Robin apologised.

(Behind him, Veronique was looking Starfire up and down with her steely eyes. "Celui-ci est très jolie. Mais si impudique! Mettez des vêtements, femme! Une jeune fille de votre âge ne devrait révéler la peau tellement!" Veronique's unimpressed frown melted into an awe-filled gaze as she grabbed one of Starfire's hands. "Je fais comme si ses gants; ces fines émeraudes!")

"Oh, well, you will be wishing you 'ad when you 'ear us at ze concert," said Euphrasie. "I will go get someone to alert ze ticket offic-"

She was cut off by Robin's communicator, which had begun to beep loudly and flash red.

"Not another alarm!" Beast Boy moaned.

"I've only just got all this gunk out of my joints!" Cyborg gestured his leg, flicking a white strand of webbing from his finger.

Raven's expression hardened. "Where now?" she asked tiredly.

Robin flipped open the communicator. "The electronics store," he said, snapping it shut and returning it to his belt. "Sorry, we have to go. The police should arrive soon to arrest Fang."

"Oh, well, zank you. I will 'ave the tickets sent to you! Farewell Titans!"

The Titans left the opera house, after assuring guards that the paralysis would wear off eventually, and trooped back into the car. As they pulled away from the building, a couple of police cars were arriving.

The night was far from over.

* * *

 **Title literally means 'Something Festive'. I couldn't think of anything relevant - apologies.**

 **French translations:**

 _ **Aidez-moi!**_ _ **Mes diamants! Mes rubis! Mes bébés mousseux!**_  
 **\- Help me!** **My diamonds! My rubies! My sparkling babies!**

 _ **Donc, tu ne vas pas à m'aider à me relever?**_  
 **\- So, aren't you going to help me up?**

 _ **Mes bijoux. Où sont mes bijoux? Je veux que mes bijoux!**_  
 **\- My jewels. Where are my jewels? I want my jewels!**

 _ **Qui sont ces gens destinés à être? Le cirque?**_ _ **Cirque de monstres, plus comme!**_  
 **\- Who are these people meant to be? The circus? Circus of freaks, more like!**

 _ **Qui êtes-vous?**_ _ **La lumière de trafic d'êtres humains**_ **?**  
 **\- Who are you? The human traffic light?**

 _ **Ah! Celui-ci est vert! Quel genre de plaisanterie est-ce? Et sa dent? At-il jamais été chez le dentiste? Bien que peut-être il est un chirurgien plastique dont il a besoin.**_ _ **Regardez ces oreilles?**_  
 **\- Ah! This one is green! What sort of joke is this? And his tooth? Has he never been to the dentist? Though perhaps it is a plastic surgeon he needs. Look at those ears!**

 _ **Il est un vampire de leur équipe. Ou peut-être un moine? Vous êtes sûr que ce sont des super-héros et pas un nouveau culte religieux?**_  
 **\- There is a vampire on their team.** **Or perhaps a monk? - You are sure these are superheroes and not a new religious cult?**

 _ **Celui-ci ne porte pas de vêtements! Et il fait partie machine! Si ce n'est une sorte de nouvelle mode de la mode alors je ne suis pas impressionné.**_ _ **Il ressemble à un costume de Lady Gaga!**_  
 **\- This one isn't wearing clothes! And he is part machine! If this is some sort of new fashion fad then I am not impressed.** **He looks like a Lady Gaga outfit!**

 _ **Celui-ci est très jolie. Mais si impudique! Mettez des vêtements, femme! Une jeune fille de votre âge ne devrait révéler la peau tellement! Je fais comme si ses gants; ces fines émeraudes!**_  
 **\- This one is very pretty.** **But so immodest! Put on some clothes, woman! A girl your age should not reveal so much skin! I do like your gloves though; such fine emeralds!**

 **(Apologies if I got some of the French wrong – other languages are not my forté…** **)**

 **Flare, the Frivolous~**


	4. Maybe Xmas Doesn't Come from a Store

**Chapter title is meant to be 'Maybe Christmas Doesn't Come from a Store' but apparently that was one letter too long, so I've had to use Xmas instead (which was painful for me to write but there we go - means the same thing)**

* * *

"Maybe we should just let the police deal with this one," Beast Boy suggested as the T-car skidded onto the pavement outside the electronics store.

"They have enough on their hands dealing with the mess at the opera house," Robin replied. "Let's go."

Red lights flashed through the shop windows, accompanied by a high-pitched trilling of the burglar alarm. The Titans pushed through the front door – unlocked with no signs of forced entry – and hurtled into the cold building.

The front of the store looked untouched. The long shelves of computers and printers were still full and neatly packed. The floors were clean, everything was in place. If it hadn't been for the throbbing scarlet light and the screaming alarm flooding the room every few seconds, they wouldn't have believed anyone had broken in at all.

The Titans moved quietly through, peering down each aisle, bodies tense, ready to attack. Nothing down the first five aisles. However, at the back, by a large, flashy display, two figures lurked in the shadows. The red lights didn't quite reach them.

"The jig's up," Robin growled, taking out his trusty staff as he approached.

The figures seemed to look at each other then back at the Titans. "Aw, crud!" one of them whined. "It's those snot-munching do-gooders!" A deep, gorilla-like grunt followed.

Starfire lit her hand with green energy and stepped forward, casting an emerald glow over the figures.

"Gizmo and Mammoth," Cyborg said. "Should've guessed.

"Another crook left their Christmas shopping a little late." Robin twirled his staff, taking another step forward.

However, neither villain appeared to be in the mood for witty banter. Helicopter blades sprung out of Gizmo's backpack, lifting him into the air, high above their reach. Mammoth snarled and rushed forward, his meaty hands raised above his head, ready to strike.

Beast Boy was too quick. He changed into a tiger and leapt, clamping his jaws on Mammoth's arms. There was a short struggle, but Mammoth succeeded in flinging the green tiger from his arm. Beast Boy slammed one of the display cases. Glass cracked; spider silvery lines crept across the pane. He tried to stand but, dazed, promptly fell over again.

"Starfire, Cyborg, stop Gizmo," ordered Robin as he and Raven stirred into action.

Gizmo was near the ceiling, above the flashy display, fiddling with the control pad on his arm. Cyborg took the opportunity whilst he was distracted to fire off a few blasts of his sonic cannon.

Gizmo gave a cry alarm when they narrowly missed him by inches, scorching the ceiling instead. "Barf-sneezing, butt-chewing crud monkeys," he muttered angrily, swinging this way and that to avoid the rain of starbolts from Starfire's fists. However, one managed to hit the helicopter blades and he tumbled out of the air, catching himself on one of the shelving units.

Growling, Gizmo reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of tiny bombs which he proceeded to lob at the Titans.

Raven, meanwhile, had torn off pieces of the ceiling and was in the process of wrapping them around a wriggling Mammoth when one of Gizmo's bombs exploded at her feet. She was promptly knocked off her feet and fell heavily into a shelf of cameras.

Beast Boy, seeing Mammoth beginning to wriggle from his bindings, picked himself up and lunged towards him. He changed into a large python and wound himself around the giant, squeezing tightly.

The last of Gizmo's bombs hit the display at the back, shattering the glass. Dodging more starbolts and sonic cannon blasts, Gizmo rushed towards it and jumped down, clambering inside where four flashy phones were held in fine, metal claws. Gizmo grabbed the phones, but didn't get any further than that as Cyborg swooped in and scooped him up by the back of his jumpsuit.

"Lemme go, lemme go!" Gizmo whined, kicking and swiping the air furiously. Cyborg laughed half-heartedly at the sight and held him higher.

"We'll take those," Robin said, snatching the phones from the squirming boy. "All this trouble for a new phone?"

"Aww, come on!" Gizmo pouted, still wriggling in Cyborg's grasp but with less gusto. "No fair!"

Robin smirked. "Looks like you're getting coal again this year, and a nice seasonal holiday in prison."

They marched him down to where Raven had successfully encased Mammoth in plaster and metal. She was fashioning similar restraints for Gizmo when the tell-tale wail of a police siren sounded from outside.

Sgt. Miller and another officer rushed in, handcuffs at the ready. "We'll take it from here," said Miller.

"Less damage than usual," the other officer remarked as she repressed a yawn. "That's a relief – the paperwork is ridiculous. They try to steal much?"

"Actually, no," Robin replied. "It looked like they were only after a few phones." He held up the four decices Gizmo had tried to steal. At first glance they looked like normal smart phones: sleek, rounded rectangles with large screens curving around the edges, nestled in leather cases. However, each case was a different colour: red; green; purple; and black.

There was a large gasp. Beast Boy appeared at Robin's shoulder, eyes glittering with awe. "Not just any phone!" Beast Boy sighed. "They're brand new, top of the range, Avian line phones!"

"Avian line?"

"Hey, I've heard of these," the officer said, tilting her head. "There was an advert the other day. Called 'Birds' or something. Fancy new phones. My daughter wants one for Christmas. They've only just been released so she'll have to make do with the newest iPhone…"

"iPhones are good, but nothing compared to these babies," Beast Boy said before launching into a rant about the new features the Avian Line of phones had to offer.

Robin, not listening, looked at the phones more closely, now that they were properly illuminated by the street lamps outside. They were more square than most phones, and the cases flipped out from the back as well, creating what looked like wings either side of the screen, with golden poppers to keep them shut. They were also different sizes.

"They've all got different names, and have different apps already downloaded depending. Obviously you can customise when you've bought it… black's call the Eagle. The green is the Hawk. The purple is the Falcon and the red…ha! The red's the Robin. Maybe we should get you one?" Beast Boy nudged Robin playfully.

Robin scowled and marched back into the shop to put the phones back in their display case.

The female police officer returned then, lips pursed. "That's those two loaded," she said. "Holding cells are filling up fast. Miller and I are in for a long night of filling out forms."

"Yeah, lots of crime tonight, eh guys?" said Sgt. Miller. "You lot must be getting tired – I know I am. And Christmas eve of all nights!"

"Tell me about it," Beast Boy moaned.

He gave them a sympathetic look before whisking his partner back into the cars to escort Gizmo and Mammoth to prison.

"I swear, if we get one more call…" Cyborg began, leading the way to the T-Car. They clambered in, and had barely shut the doors when the alarm began ringing once again.

"The observatory," Robin said, and they were off.

* * *

 **Chapter title is, as I'm sure you've guessed, from 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas!' (1957) by Dr. Seuss.**


	5. Yet in Thy Dark Streets Shineth

The observatory was a huge building of gun-metal grey which sat on a hill overlooking Jump City. Below, the flitting lights of cars and the twinkling of fairy lights outside people's houses looked calm, peaceful; a town sleeping and waiting for Christmas to come.

Like the electronics shop, there were no signs of a break in at the observatory. Nonetheless, the Titans sneaked inside, peering into every room, eyes peeled for anything suspicious or out of place. Eventually, they made their way to the top room; a large dome with a slot in the ceiling which could open up and allow the huge telescope in the centre access to the stars above.

Finally, they found something. A white canvas screen dangled from the ceiling opposite a portable projector. There was a remote on the ground in front of it with only one button.

Raven used her magic to lift it up. When nothing happened, she brought it to the group and let it drop into her hand.

"So, any takers to press the suspicious red button?" she drawled, holding it out.

Beast Boy practically leapt at the opportunity and snatched the remote from her hand. "I'll do it, I'll do it!"

"Your funeral," she muttered, stepping back as Beast Boy jabbed the button.

At first nothing happened. Then the projector whirred, blinking red and green. A dot appeared on the white canvas, which grew until the entire screen was covered.

Dr. Light appeared on the screen, twiddling his moustache and smirking. "If it isn't the Teen Titans! Meddling where they're not wanted!"

"If he didn't want us to meddle then why'd he leave this for us?" Cyborg asked, but was shushed by Robin.

Dr. Light continued. "As you're here, and therefore can't spoil my Christmas plans this evening, I'll tell you all the fun you're missing out on! But first, take a look outside…"

The observatory ceiling slid open, throwing a wintry breeze into the room. Led by Robin, the Titans strode to the edge and peered down at the city below. Behind them, the recording of Dr. Light carried on.

"Jump City. Beautiful, no? Lit by all those lovely golden lights. Look closer. At the eastern side…"

Narrowing his eyes, Robin adjusted his gaze to the right-hand side of the city, where he knew the hospital was located. Suddenly, a few lights flickered and dimmed.

"Keep watching," said Dr. Light. "It gets better!"

More lights flickered off. Then, in the centre of the dark patch, a ring of gold appeared. Faint at first, but growing brighter with every second.

"Some festive lights for the city!" Dr. Light laughed. "My Christmas gift to the Jump residents. Do you like them?"

Starfire pursed her lips. "It is… quite pretty."

"What's his plan?" Robin muttered, eyebrows drawing together beneath his mask.

"What's my plan, I hear you ask?" said Dr. Light. "Nothing devious, my dear Titans! Only, there was one small issue with my present. You see, in order to power such a glorious ring of light, I need to draw electricity from the city itself."

"Robin," said Raven in a low, warning tone. "The hospital."

Robin grit his teeth. "Titans, we have to go turn off that ring before it sucks the power from the entire east side!"

"Ah ah ah…" They could practically hear the smirk in Dr. Light's voice. "That's not the best bit… Look again!"

The Titans looked again. Now the entire city was flickering, dimming. And out of the new darkness, four more rings appeared.

Beast Boy blanched. "Dude!"

"We need to split up." Robin looked at each Titan in turn. "Cyborg, take the east side. I get the feeling he's draining the emergency power at the hospital too. Star, go to the north. That's where the police station is – the last thing we need is those other crooks escaping again. Raven, the west. Beast Boy, the south. I'll take the middle. Call in when you've finished. Hospital is first priority, then the station. Titans, GO!"

The five leapt out through the slot in the ceiling. Starfire – holding Cyborg, Raven, and Beast Boy – in falcon-form – took to the skies whilst Robin sprinted to the car.

The drive was quick and dangerous as the roads gradually became icy under the cold night. Robin barely looked at the road signs as he went, instead heading towards where the streets were darkest. After a few over-shot corners, he stopped next a row of street lamps which expelling a large amount of yellow light into the air. Surely this was part of the ring? But how to stop it?

* * *

The first thing Cyborg did when Starfire dropped him outside the hospital was head to cellar to find the emergency generator. A group of technicians were already down there, scratching their heads with panicked whispers.

One of them spotted Cyborg and perked up slightly. "Have you come to help?"

"Yeah. Is the generator working?"

"It is," said another technician, inviting him to take a look. "But the power isn't going to the hospital. Someone's draining it."

"I was afraid of that," Cyborg muttered, inspecting the machinery for signs of tampering. "Have you found the leak?"

"Not yet."

It took a lot of prodding and poking to find the leak. Eventually, Cyborg spotted a wire that didn't belong next to the wall which snaked away under the floor and presumably to the ring of light.

Already, the ceiling light was dimming as the hospital power usage put too much strain on the generator. Praying this wouldn't backfire, Cyborg took the wire and yanked it out of the machine. For a second, the room went black. Then the lights flickered back on.

"Thank you, Cyborg," said one of the technicians. "Will you be able to get the main power back on?"

Cyborg pressed his lips into a grim line. "I'll try."

* * *

The police office was in turmoil when Starfire touched down. It was dark inside, and officers were running around with their phone torches on, despairing over their dead computers. Sgt. Miller was there, tinkering with a fuse box in the office.

"What's happening now?" he asked upon spotting the superhero. "The power's gone."

"Dr. Light," she replied solemnly. "He is draining the city of electricity. Are the cells still secure?"

"The cells?"

"Yes." Starfire glanced around the office, but the commotion seemed mostly caused by the fact the computers had shut down without saving their work. "We do not wish for Billy Numerous and the other criminals to escape."

Miller laughed and shook his head. "No, don't worry about that. The cells aren't locked with electricity. Go help the city. We'll hold the fort down here."

Starfire nodded and climbed back out the window she had entered through then leapt into the night. A golden ring blazed before her, growing brighter and brighter. Up close she could see that the lights were made up of street lamps and buildings, illuminating the flakes of snow lazily floating down.

Starfire came to a stop above the ring and frowned, eyes moving from bulb to bulb, trying to see how to go about stopping it. As she hovered, her communicator beeped – a message from one of her teammates.

 _You guys worked out how to switch it off?_

* * *

Beast Boy fired off the text message to the rest of his team then went back to staring, forlorn, at the ring of street lamps before him.

"Ugh, why'd he have to make _five?"_ he complained, prodding one of the street lamps. "Cy would know what to do…" Beast Boy glanced at his communicator; no new messages. He groaned melodramatically and resisted the urge to slam his head against the pole.

* * *

After a quick circuit of the light-ring, Raven landed on the roof of one of the lit buildings and read the message Beast Boy had sent them all. It seemed it wasn't just her who was having issues working out how to fix the problem.

There had to be a contraption of some sort that was redirecting energy from the city and into those specific rings. And they had to be independent of each other as Dr. Light had managed to switch the eastern one on before the others. Raven glanced around the circle before her eyes settled in the centre. A normal enough road ran through the middle, but, upon closer inspection, a sewer drain was slightly askew.

It was the closest thing she had to a lead. So, holding her breath, Raven pushed aside the metal cover and peered into the tunnel below. Fortunately the ring of light was bright enough to illuminate some of the sewer, and it didn't take long for Raven to spot something that didn't belong.

A small, black box with blinking red lights attached to the sewer wall. Several thick wires appeared to be growing out of the box like octopus tentacles.

"Bingo," she muttered, carefully climbing into the hole. Perching on the ladder built into one wall, Raven stared at the box as she deliberated how best to turn it off. Should she carefully dismantle each wire one by one? Pry off one of the sides and fiddle with the mechanics inside?

Raven opted for choice c. She braced herself against the ladder and smashed her foot into the centre of the box. It crumpled under her heel then fell away from the wall and into the sewage below with a _plop._

Immediately, the lights above went out.

Raven clambered back out of the sewer and replaced the cover just as the street lamps flickered on again, softer this time. Smirking, she pulled out her communicator.

Beast Boy picked up straight away, shortly followed by Robin, Starfire and Cyborg.

"There's a black box in the centre," she said bluntly. "Mine was in a sewer. You need to destroy it."

"Thanks, Rae!" Beast Boy cheered. "Smashing things is what I'm best at!" He was replaced with a green gorilla, hammering its chest with one fist.

"Well, you're certainly better at that than at baking gingerbread," Cyborg said. The gorilla glared.

"Let's not lose focus," said Robin who, judging by the movement of his screen, was running. "The sooner we finish the job, the sooner we can wrap this up and go home. We'll meet by the T-Car, by the pizza parlour. How did you destroy the box? Did you disconnect the wires?" He turned his communicator around to show another black box also under a sewer cover.

"There'll be a fuse inside you need to carefully-" Cyborg began but Raven cut him off.

"I just kicked it," she said and hung up.

* * *

It was a quick job after that. After delivering a short, sharp jab with his staff, Robin tore the box off the sewer wall and jogged back to the T-car. Raven was already there, arms folded. The moment Robin unlocked the car she slid inside and slammed the door behind her. Robin paid her no heed and set about phoning the police and filling them in on the situation.

Starfire was next to return, smiling brightly. "Thank you for your assistance, Raven," she said as she also climbed into the car. "I was having the troubles."

Raven managed the tiniest of smiles then went back to staring blankly out the window.

Beast Boy rolled in next, clambering awkwardly over Raven to get to his seat in the middle. "Dudes, I am spent. Please tell me we can go home now..."

"Not likely," Raven replied, glaring at the side of his face.

Beast Boy deflated. "Aw…"

Cyborg arrived a short while later.

"What took you so long?" Robin asked his teammate as he lumbered over. "Didn't you get Raven's message?"

"Oh, I got it," Cyborg replied sourly. "She kicked it. _Kicked it!_ Do you know what could have happened?"

"It worked, didn't it!" Beast Boy yelled from the car. He was ignored.

" _I_ decided to do it properly," Cyborg continued. "I dismantled it by hand." He held up the black box, still in perfect condition. "Sometimes that takes time."

Robin took the box and stacked it on top of his battered one. "Good work. We'll hand these to the police so they can get some electricians out to sort out the rest of the wiring. Speaking of…"

Flashing blue lights bouncing off the corner of the pizza place alerted them to the arrival of the police. Only one car this time.

An older officer with a thick, grey moustache and wispy hair emerged, rubbing his eyes. "Evening, Titans," he grunted. "Did you catch Dr. Light?"

Robin scowled and shook his head. "No. We don't know where he is. We could do a patrol to look for him-" Cyborg's face fell in horror- "but we don't have any evidence that he's anywhere nearby."

The officer nodded, glancing at his watch. "Ouch. It's getting late. I was meant to go off an hour ago but with all this sudden paperwork…" He shook his head and sighed. "I wouldn't mind so much if it was any other day. I think Miller's just about ready to throw himself out the window."

"If only there was a window to jump out of," Cyborg muttered.

Robin held up the two boxes. "These boxes were draining the city's power. There are still three more out there, in the centre of where the rings were. I've already sent the co-ordinates to Sgt. Miller."

"Yeah, he mentioned that before I left," said the officer. "I'll take those then."

"Thank you. And the electricians?"

"We'll get that taken care of, don't you kids worry."

With a kind, but tired, smile, the officer tucked the boxes under his arm and returned to his car. Robin and Cyborg slid into the front of the T-car and let out simultaneous sighs.

"Let's get back to the tower before another alarm goes off," Cyborg mumbled as he started up the ignition. The car revved beneath them and vibrated gently. They eased off the curb and onto the road.

For a while they drove in silence, watching the dark city slide past them, muscles tense as they waited for the crime alert to scream at them again. However, as the minutes ticked by and nothing happened, they gradually began to relax.

Titans Tower was in sight when Beast Boy dared to speak up. "That was a pretty weird plan Dr. Light came up with today."

"Most of hi s plans are weird," Raven pointed out. "They all revolve around light bulbs."

Beast Boy sat up a little straighter and yawned. "Yeah, but this was was especially weird. What were those light circles even for?"

"I hate to say it, but BB has a point," Cyborg said. "Usually he at least has some end goal. But this? It was like he just wanted to… distract us or something."

Robin turned slowly away from the window. "You think it was a distraction?"

Cyborg shrugged. "Maybe."

"Perhaps there is something larger at job here?" Starfire asked, looking between her teammates. "Were Billy Numerous and Gizmo and Fang distractions as well?"

Beast Boy gasped and lurched forward, his seat belt tugging painfully against his chest. "Dude! Then while we were kicking butt, someone else was probably robbing the bank, or-"

"We would have heard if someone robbed the bank, BB," Cyborg said with an eye-roll. "If someone was planning something bigger they would have done it by now, but according to the computer, nothing's happened."

 _BEEP_

 _BEEP_

 _BEEP_

"Nothing _yet,"_ Beast Boy said, not even trying to hide his smirk. "Maybe they need more time?"

Cyborg punched a few buttons. "The butcher's on fifth."

Beast Boy moaned from the back seat. "Aww, man!"

Robin narrowed his eyes as the car made an impromptu u-turn and sped back towards the city. "There's definitely something else going on here."

* * *

 **But what? D:**

 **Chapter title is from the Christmas carol 'Oh Little Town of Bethlehem' (1865, lyrics by Phillips Brooks)**


	6. It was a Turkey!

The smell of the butcher's had Beast Boy gagging, and nearly made Cyborg swear off meat indefinitely. The door was wide open, wafting the scent of raw flesh and blood down the street.

Robin, face set like steel, and Starfire, holding her breath, entered first, flicking on the light as they went. The front of the shop looked like a murder scene. Chunks of red flesh were strewn about, covering the floor, the counter, and the walls. A few splashes of meat juice had made it onto the ceiling. Desiccated steaks flopped over the edge of the cash register, chicken feathers lined the floor, and a few lumps of rotting meat had been dug out of a dumpster and were smeared on the windows.

"This does not look to be a sanitary butchery," Starfire remarked, face scrunched in disgust.

Cyborg marched in, fingers firmly clamped around his nose. "What monster would do this to perfectly good food!?"

Raven stared at the rancid meat on the window. "Yeah, _perfectly good_."

Beast Boy didn't make it through the door. Instead he leaned heavily against the wall looking distinctly green – or, greener than usual. "This is why I stick to tofu."

Cyborg very much wanted to rebuff this comment but didn't have the strength and so settled for glowering. Robin rolled his eyes at them and continued through the shop, picking his way carefully through the blood and guts smeared across the floor. There was a door at the back. It was shut, but opened easily when Robin pulled the handle.

The next room was a brightly lit walk-in fridge. Gleaming chrome shelves lined the walls, stacked with empty, blood-stained boxes. At the back were two large freezers, like dull silver boxes, and lounging on top-

"Red X," Robin snarled.

"I was wondering when you'd get here," Red X said casually, sitting up. "I think you're a bit late to pick up Christmas dinner."

"The only thing we're here to pick up is the trash," growled Robin. He launched into an attack, pulling out a bird-a-rang and flinging it at Red X.

Red X leapt off the freezer, dodging easily, and landed on top of the shelves. "You'll have to try harder than that. Especially as you're a man down."

Cyborg glanced behind him, frowning. "Where's Beast Boy?"

"He did look the unwell," Starfire remarked.

Robin gave them an incredulous look. "Don't let him distract you! Titans, GO!"

It was difficult fighting in the cramped fridge. Even with Raven and Starfire hovering near the ceiling, and Beast Boy out-of-action outside, there wasn't much room for Robin's acrobatic fighting moves with Cyborg's large body taking up most of the floor.

The cumbersome shelves didn't help. With every starbolt and sonic cannon blast, the metal sheets clanged and bashed against the walls and clattered to the ground. Red X avoided all of their shots, leaping from shelf to shelf like a large, chuckling flea. At one point he joined Robin on the ground, standing behind him and flawlessly mimicking his poses and positions.

Raven was staying out of the fight for the most part. She positioned herself above the door, hands at the ready to magic the door shut if Red X tried to get away, but he never even glanced at the exit. He seemed more interested in dancing around the Titans than engaging in any sort of fight.

"Ooh, that one nearly got me," Red X said, smirk leaking into his voice as a blue beam from Cyborg's arm missed him by an inch. He flipped onto another shelf, ducking under a starbolt, then rolled to dodge a barrage of exploding disks.

"Wait!" Raven yelled suddenly, hands crackling with black energy. "Don't you see what he's doing?"

Red X raised a hand to his chest in mock-offence. "Me? I'm not doing anything."

"Exactly." Raven crossed her arms, lowering herself so she was floating in front of the door. "He's not even trying to fight back. He's _distracting_ us."

"Well, I am pretty distracting," Red X drawled. "But if you don't want to see me then I guess I'll just leave…"

"Stay right where you are," Robin demanded, back-flipping to the door and standing with his bo-staff extended before him. "What's going on, X? Why are you here?"

"Can't a guy have a little fun throwing stuff out of a butcher's fridge without his motives being questioned?"

"Not when the guy in question is a crook," Cyborg said, firing up his cannon again. Instead of shooting, he held his glowing arm aloft, end pointing at Red X's face. "Are you working for someone?"

"Like I'm gonna take orders from someone." Red X stood with one hip cocked, arms folded, casually looking around at the Titans surrounding him. "It's like you don't know me at all."

Cyborg scowled. "I don't think he's gonna talk, Rob."

"Why here, X?" Robin tried again, spinning his staff then thrusting one end at Red X's face.

The villain didn't even flinch. Instead he nonchalantly brushed the staff to the side with two fingers. "Why not? I hear they have great prices on steak here." He laughed when Robin's mouth twitched, teeth gritted. "Someone's not happy. I saw Dr. Light's crackpot scheme earlier. I s'pose you're all tired from that wild goose chase."

He laughed again, louder and heartier as if he'd told some hilarious joke, and didn't seem to notice when the Titans turned to each other in confusion.

Robin jabbed the staff at his face again. "Are you in league with Light? What are you planning?"

Again, Red X merely pushed the staff aside and stepped forward. "As it's Christmas, I'll give you a clue."

"Just tell us what's going on," Robin commanded, clutching his staff so tightly he thought it might snap in his hands.

Starfire gently laid a hand on Robin's shoulder, keeping her other ignited and ready to shoot at Red X. "Please, Robin. Perhaps we should hear this clue. It may be useful in our investigation."

"Smart girl," said Red X. "Not just a pretty face. Now, my clue is this: where can you get a golden egg?"

Cyborg lowered his arm. "...What?"

Red X chuckled. "Well, this was fun, but I gotta go."

Before he could move, Robin span his staff again then held it in front of him like a bar. "You're not going anywhere," he said, smirking as his teammates readied themselves to fight again. "Except jail."

* * *

Beast Boy had made it half way across the shop. Each step took his several minutes as he had to mentally prepare himself before he could scan the floor for a clean patch to put his foot. He had stretched his uniform up over his face, wishing he still had the mask, to block some of the stench from reaching his nose. Unfortunately, this only filtered so much, but he refused to breathe through his mouth because then he might end up tasting the raw meat too.

The door to the walk-in-fridge was shut, but this didn't stop all the crashing and banging occurring on the other side. It sounded like a difficult fight, although Beast Boy couldn't think of a single reason why Red X might want to attack a butcher's, let alone trash the front shop with slabs of meat.

Finally, he was nearly at the door, and had successfully avoided touching anything dead. Beast Boy took as deep a breath as he dared through his shirt, reached an arm out to open the door…

BANG

The door was thrown open, crashing into Beast Boy's face and sending him sprawling across the sticky floor. Red X flew out after him, kicking him in the stomach as he went, then disappeared into the night.

Moments later, Robin burst through in hot pursuit, trampling Beast Boy as he went.

Then Cyborg, who ran past but slipped, kicking a spray of meat juice onto Beast Boy's face.

For a while he just laid there, skin crawling, bile rising in his throat, eyes stinging as he tried not to burst into loud tears of disgust and frustration. After a full minute, he managed to pull himself together and slowly sat up, hating the pulling sensation on his back from where his uniform was stuck to the floor.

Beast Boy eventually got to his feet, stomach writhing, and padded carefully to the front door, using his sleeve to wipe his face as he went. By the time he made it outside, his teammates were walking forlornly down the streets towards him, and Red X was gone.

Beast Boy located the nearest patch of grass, crisp with frost and a very thin layer of snow, and collapsed face-first onto it.

Robin punched a wall. "He got away."

"So we saw," said Raven drily.

Robin growled and punched the wall again then turned around to face his team. "Red X basically confirmed that there's something bigger going on here. He's not a petty criminal like the H.I.V.E. Five, so why would he be trashing a butcher's?"

"Red X is also independent," Starfire pointed out. "He would not be taking orders brightly from somebody else."

"And what did that clue mean? Where do golden eggs come from or whatever?" Cyborg asked. "This just doesn't add up. Unless there's a plot to steal a golden egg?"

Just then, a police car appeared from around the corner and pulled up next to the T-car. Sgt. Miller and another officer with dark skin and bushy eyebrows stepped out and marched to where the Titans were standing – apart from Beast Boy who was still lying in the grass.

"What happened here?" Officer Eyebrows asked as Miller took a peak in the butcher's. "Another attack?"

"Red X, but he got away," Robin replied. "Nothing was taken as far as I can tell, but…"

"You're kidding me!" Miller yelled behind them. "It looks like a murder scene in there!"

"Smells like one too," Cyborg muttered.

Robin sighed and waited until Miller joined them before launching into the details of what had happened. "Red X was here when we arrived. He took everything out the fridge and chucked it in the shop. We tried to find out why but he escaped before we could get anything out of him."

Cyborg snorted. "Apart from the golden egg."

"Vital information," Raven added.

Miller's brow furrowed. "Golden egg?"

"The only clue he'd give us," Cyborg clarified. "Better than nothing, I guess."

Officer Eyebrows looked back at the butcher's and groaned. "I hate arson crimes without a perp. The paperwork is a nightmare. I knew I should have taken the night off…"

"It's not ideal," agreed Miller. "The holding cell's getting pretty full, too, and we don't have the staff to process all the guys you're bringing in tonight."

Robin pursed his lips. "We're doing everything we can to get to the bottom of this," he said, a little more sharply than he'd intended. "We're just as tired as you guys."

Officer Eyebrows shifted on his heels and looked away. "Of course. Sorry, Robin."

Robin gave a stiff nod and began striding towards the T-car, his teammates following – apart from Beast Boy, who had to be dragged by an irritated Raven.

"Maybe there's a link," Cyborg pondered as again he started up the engine and began the drive back to the tower. "What's happened so far? We fought Billy Numerous at the brewery."

"Mad Mod at the museum of fashion," Starfire chimed in. "He was most keen to steal those gloves."

"Right. Then Fang at the opera. Stealing jewellery. Gizmo and Mammoth stealing phones…"

Robin tapped his knee thoughtfully. "Dr. Light was targeting the entire city, and he wasn't stealing anything."

"Neither was Red X," said Raven. "And I don't see how the butcher's ties into anything."

"Maybe they all have something to do with golden eggs?" Cyborg frowned, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. "Let's see… birds lay eggs? And you can buy birds at the butcher's. Those phones were named after birds… Jewellery's made of gold? Maybe whoever will attack a jewellery shop next?"

"Tenuous link at best," Robin said, glaring out the window. "We must be missing something. Something big. Something obvious… What was the clue again? Where do golden eggs come from? Is it a joke?"

"Where can you get a golden egg," Raven corrected. "And if it's a lame joke, maybe Beast Boy knows the answer."

"Finally, your chance to shine, green-bean," Cyborg chuckled. "You heard that joke before? Where can you get a golden egg?"

But Beast Boy didn't respond to the joke. He didn't respond to anything. He just sat in his seat, staring blankly ahead with wide, horrified eyes. It wasn't until Starfire poked him that he finally moved and opened his mouth to speak.

"IT WENT IN MY _MOUTH_!"

* * *

 **Chapter title is, again, taken from 'A Christmas Carol'. The section where Scrooge buys the prize turkey from the butcher for Bob Cratchit. I don't get one with Dickens usually, but I like the way he's written this book. Sections like this one are very energetic.**


	7. The Dance of the Sugar Plum Titans

Beast Boy had transitioned from yelling about something getting in his mouth to plain screaming, and didn't shut up until Raven smartly slapped him across the face. "Stop it, you're giving me a worse headache than usual."

Beast Boy rubbed his cheek but stopped screaming. "Ow. Did you have to hit so hard."

Raven smiled smugly. "No."

"We were asking you if you knew this joke, BB," Cyborg said. "Where can you get a golden egg?"

"Golden egg?" Beast Boy repeated, massaging his chin thoughtfully. "From a golden chicken?"

"Please. The link is a golden chicken?" Starfire blinked. "I… do not understand."

"Neither do we," said Cyborg gruffly.

All five occupants flinched when a ringing sound filled the car, and only partially relaxed when they realised it was the phone, not the crime alert. Robin pressed the button to answer.

"Hello?"

"Robin, it's Miller." The sergeant's voice filled the car. "Sorry to call you back in right away but we have a situation."

Cyborg only just managed to not slam his face into the steering wheel.

"What situation?" Robin asked.

"Hostages. At the theatre on Victoria. You know the one?"

"Yes."

"From what we can tell it's another super attacking. Can you handle it?"

Robin turned to look at his team; they stared wearily back. "We'll be right there."

There was a click as the call ended, and a groan when Cyborg tugged on the wheel. The car swerved sharply.

"But dudes," Beast Boy moaned. "I wanted to go home and change. My suit still smells like death."

"Looks like that'll have to wait," Cyborg muttered.

They reached the theatre in mere minutes. Robin was up and surging through the reception before Cyborg had even parked the car in a reassuringly empty car park; there couldn't be too many hostages trapped inside. It was a smaller building than the opera house, and less grand. The corridors were narrow and reminded Robin of hallways in prison, or school.

As they clattered through the theatre, they became aware of music quietly playing. Fanfares and trumpets, like a circus, which grew louder with every step. Then a voice joined it.

"Ah, it sounds like the stars of our show are finally here!" it shrilled as the music swelled. "Please, make your way to the stage! The curtain's about to rise!"

Immediately, clusters of light bulbs shaped like arrows appeared on the walls. The thought that it might be a trap flickered briefly across Robin's brain, but he ignored this in lieu of getting to wherever the villain was quickly and defeating them.

The arrows led them down a few more corridors then finally to a pair of round double doors, edged with lights. They pushed through and found themselves in an auditorium with a large, promenade stage before them. The stage was empty, but Robin could tell by the line of silhouettes that people were sitting in the front two rows.

A red carpet popped out of thin air and rolled out before them, leading to the stage. The Titans cast wary looks around the auditorium, searching for signs of whoever was behind this attack, then slowly made their way down the carpet.

The people in the front row were dressed in tights and tutus, their arms tied behind their backs and their legs bound with rope. A few of them had tape over their mouths too. There was a single piece of paper on stage, folded in half like a card. Robin snatched it up and flicked it open. Words in shining black ink stared back.

 _Swan Lake_

 _Starring…_

 _ROBIN as PRINCE SIEGFRIED_

 _STARFIRE as ODETTE_

 _RAVEN as ODILE_

 _BEAST BOY as THE KING_

 _CYBORG as THE SORCERER V_ _O_ _N ROTHBART_

 _Conducted by THE AMAZING MUMBO_

"Surprise, Titans!"

With a load _click,_ a spotlight flicked on at the back of the stage, revealing Mumbo himself, decked out in his usual black suit and hat.

"Mumbo," Robin growled. "Of course. What's this about?"

"It's about _art!"_ Mumbo cried, grinning widely and twirling his wand through his fingers. "The art of dance! For one night only, Tchaikovsky's _Swan Lake_ performed by the Titans! You've all seen your parts, yes?"

Robin looked back down at the programme. His name glinted back. _Prince Siegfried._

"There's no way you're getting me prancing around in a tutu," Beast Boy said, arms folded.

"Men don't wear, tutus," Raven said with a small smirk. "Just the tights."

Beast Boy turned an odd raspberry colour and seemed to shrink in on himself. "I'm definitely not wearing just tights!"

"Too late!" sang Mumbo with a flick of his wand. Suddenly, Robin and Beast Boy's spandex uniforms were replaced with white and gold ballet attire. Cyborg had a long, dark cloak, and Raven now wore a black tutu, shimmering with tiny silver crystals.

And Starfire…

"What did you do to her?!" Robin yelped, crouching beside the hysterical swan. Her feathers were gleaming white against the purple puddle of her too-big clothes. There was a patch of red-gold on her head, and her eyes were vibrant green. She opened her beak to speak but she could only honk.

"She's Odette, and Odette is a swan," said Mumbo, laughing. "Haven't you ever seen the ballet? Now for the backing cast!" With another swish of his wand, a group of girls from the auditorium flew onto the stage, still bound.

Mumbo inspected each of them then waved his wand again. Six of the girls promptly transformed into swans. "The rest of you can go back to your seats," he said. "I only need seven swans. Now, let's get this show started! Act One!"

Robin, Cyborg, Beast Boy, and most of the tied-up ballet dancers found themselves suddenly on stage, lights lowered and music filtering up from the orchestra pit below. The seven swans and Raven were sitting in the front row. Mumbo was in front of them where the conductor would normally be, but on a higher platform so the top half of his body could be seen from the stage. He was waving his hands around, leading the orchestra in the overture.

"Robin!" he called, sliding his hands out of his gloves, which continued conducting the orchestra without him, "you are prince Siegfried, and our story opens on a celebration for your twenty first birthday! And everyone is _dancing!"_

With a sweep of his gloves, the music blossomed into an opulent tune. However, when nobody moved, Mumbo whipped out his wand and flicked it at the stage. A strange sensation took a hold of Robin – a tingling in his limbs, as if the muscles were being pulled on by tiny strings and forcing his arms and legs to move against his will. A quick glance at Beast Boy, Cyborg, and the dancers told him that he wasn't alone in this.

His movements were awkward and inelegant, like a limp puppet. Many of the dancers had paired off and were performing simple _pas de deux_ routines around the edges of the stage, whereas Cyborg was twirling at the back and Beast Boy was in the centre, spinning _en pointe._ A group of girls were idling at the back, their pastel dresses shimmering as they pirouetted.

Mumbo continued setting the scene. "There are several young maidens who would love the chance to dance with the prince, but he denies them all." He coaxed the young girls forward – they obediently danced towards Robin, skirts swishing. When they reached him, Robin stepped back then leapt away with a dramatic flourish, cheeks burning.

"Siegfried's mother – or father in this case – comes forward with his birthday present, and news that the prince must marry soon," said Mumbo. Beast Boy approached Robin, looking thoroughly embarrassed by his silly outfit, and produced a crossbow from thin air.

"Uhh, happy birthday," he said, holding out the gift. "By the way, you need to get married. Like, now."

"But Siegfried didn't want the responsibility, and so ran away with his hunting buddies into the forest."

Legs moving of their own accord, Robin danced away off stage, followed by a handful of male dancers. The stage went black and, with a warm wave of magic, a plethora of cardboard trees appeared around a shining circle of silver glass. A gentle golden light bathed the stage, revealing Starfire and the six girls, still swans, sitting awkwardly on the glass.

Once more, Robin's legs took charge and dragged him back onto stage as the music started up again. He began performing a stiff, straight-legged gavotte around the lake.

Mumbo returned to narrating. "The prince stumbles across a mysterious lake of swans, and stays there for a while, ordering his hunting entourage away when they find him."

As he said this, the group of male dancers skipped on stage, danced behind the trees, then swiftly exited. The lights turned pink, then purple.

"As dusk fell, one of the swans transformed into a beautiful, young maiden."

Silver encased Starfire, melting her feathers which fell away into a ruffled skirt and shining bodice. She stood, fully human, dressed in a glorious white tutu, her hair pulled back with a headpiece of silver filigree and feathers. Like the others, the moment she stood she was forced to dance by Mumbo's magic. However, her long, lithe limbs and beautiful dress masked any awkwardness, and she performed what was a rather beautiful routine.

This was spoilt when she span into Robin's arms and they stumbled into a _pas de deux._ If it weren't for the magic guiding their every moves, and the eyes of their team mates and the ballet dancers on them, Robin might have found the moment romantic, and even enjoyed it. But as such, with so many people watching, and with Mumbo's manic grin peeping over the edge of the stage, Robin didn't enjoy it, and it certainly wasn't romantic.

When they were finally allowed to end their dance, Mumbo applauded for a few seconds, wiping away a tear, then launched into further narration. "The beautiful maiden introduced herself as Odette, and revealed to the prince that she and other maidens had been kidnapped by the evil sorcerer, Von Rothbart, and transformed into swans."

He paused and looked pointedly at Starfire. She blinked at him, looked at her hand, then shot a starbolt at him. With a yelp, Mumbo ducked.

"Ah ah ah, little swan! Naughty naughty!" He waggled his finger, as if he was telling off a child, the drew out his wand again. "I'll have to take away your human privileges."

Another flash of silver, and Starfire was once more a swan. Mumbo cleared his throat and continued.

"She also told him that the lake they were on was made of their parents' tears. The only way to break the spell is for a man, pure of heart, to pledge his love to her."

The swan honked angrily and tried to fight her way to Mumbo, but silver claws grew out of the lake and held her fast. Mumbo tutted.

"Siegfried was ready to make this vow, right then and there."

"What?" Robin spluttered, flushing red. "I've only just met her!" He could hear Beast Boy and Cyborg snickering from the audience.

Mumbo went back to conducting the orchestra, starting up another high-energy melody. Robin's feet yanked him into another dance. "Unfortunately," said the mad magician, "before Siegfried could break the spell, the sorcerer Von Rothbart arrived."

Cyborg was pulled from his seat by some invisibly force and hauled unceremoniously onto the stage, where he clumped his way around in the most ungainly dance yet. His dark cloak swirled theatrically around, rising up with every leap like a pair of crow's wings. The seven swans made their way to the centre of the 'lake' to dance, although this proved difficult with large, webbed feet.

The lights faded to silvery blue, then black.

"Act Three!" Mumbo called. Another swirl of magic and the scenery changed again. Backdrops depicting a fine ballroom fluttered down with cut-outs for the windows, and warm, pink light gave the impression of a palace at dusk. Robin was, once more, in the centre. This time, he was surrounded by many female dancers, now wearing extravagant tutus of deep purple and rich red.

Beast Boy joined him on stage, and the two began an odd, frenzied jig as Mumbo spoke, clearly not trusting them to stand still in case they attacked him again. "The next day, the prince attended a presentation of princesses, organised by the king, in hopes that he would choose a bride! But Siegfried could think of no one but Odette."

Beast Boy coughed, swallowed, and put on the deepest voice he could. "Son, you have to choose a princess to marry."

Robin folded his arms – or at least he tried to – and pursed his lips. "I'm not doing this. It's stupid. Stop this ridiculous show so we can take you to jail."

"You can't just break character like that!" Mumbo cried. "Try again! Or the dancing will never stop."

The music increased in tempo, and so did Robin's dancing, until it was painful and he felt like his knees were going to crumble and his legs collapse beneath him.

"Only one way to break the spell…" Mumbo sang, smirking.

And still the music grew faster, and his feet were a golden blur, and his toes were going to fall off…

Next to him, Beast Boy was in similar pain. "Just say it, Robin!"

Growling, Robin clenched his fists as words exploded from his mouth. "I don't want to marry anyone because I'm in love with Odette!"

The music immediately reverted to a soft, slow waltz, and Robin and Beast Boy fell panting to their knees. "What's the plan, Rob?" Beast Boy whispered, tugging at his shirt to cover as much of his legs as possible. "You do have a plan, don't you?"

Robin grit his teeth. "As long as we're in this theatre, we're under his control. We might have to wait out the play and then hope we get an opening."

Beast Boy nodded and stood up, still pulling his shirt. The white and gold tights he had on left far too little to the imagination. The finely-dressed girls launched into a series of _pirouettes_ and _pli_ _é_ _s_.

"Just then, the sorcerer Von Rothbart burst into the ballroom with the beautiful Odette."

A crash of cymbals heralded Cyborg's arrival onto the stage, dark cloak billowing. And by his side, clad in black and purple stood Raven, frowning in disgust beneath a red wig.

Thus began the most awkward waltz of Robin's life.

Raven, snarling the entire time, clutched his arm so tightly he was sure her nails would tear his skin. She looked exposed without her cape and hood, and hunched her shoulders when he span her out or held her in complicated, body-breaking poses. However, even her facial expressions and bunched shoulders couldn't disguise the elegance in her movements. The soft tension in her legs, the sinuous curve of her back. Everything…

...except the wig.

It looked like a cheap plastic one bought from a tacky costume shop. It was messily tied in a lop-sided bun, and appeared to be slipping to one side. At one point it nearly fell off, and Robin was forced to grab her head to keep the wig on.

"As the prince and maiden danced, Siegfried confessed his love for her, and asked her to marry him."

Robin nearly dropped Raven. "What?" he spluttered. "I, what? I can't just-"

"Robin!" Cyborg hissed. "Just do it!"

Trying and failing to fight down the blush rising to his face, Robin took a deep breath and faced Raven. She stared back, anger knitting her eyebrows together.

"I-" Robin coughed and looked past her face at Beast Boy's encouraging grin. "I l-lo-ove you. And, ugh. And I… you…. Should marry me."

"Then," Mumbo shouted enthusiastically as the music turned low and loud. "There was a shriek of pain. Odette – the _real_ Odette – had witnessed the entire exchange from the window. She fled from the palace as Von Rothbart revealed the true identity of the maiden."

Cyborg bound forward and balanced precariously on one leg, the other stretched behind his head. "Ahahaha!" he cackled woodenly. "That's not Odette! It's actually… uhh…"

"Odile," Mumbo muttered.

"Odile!"

Raven ripped off the red mask and shook out her violet hair. "Surprise."

"Siegfried realised his mistake and ran after his true love."

Robin didn't need telling twice. He scarpered.

Unfortunately, no sooner had his feet left the stage than he was teleported to a seat in the auditorium. The lake had been set up again, and the six swans were already in place on the glass. Starfire, still in bird-form, flew on stage and joined them.

"The broken-hearted Odette sought comfort with her fellow prisoners," Mumbo said as the swans danced on the lake. It was bizarre and beautiful at the same time, especially with the soft purple light glinting on the glass and the silver orb suspended above. Behind the trees was a net backdrop, dusted with tiny light bulbs twinkling like stars.

Then, Robin was on stage again, and very disorientated. He stumbled into one of the trees, knocking it over, then tripped and fell face-first onto the lake.

Mumbo frowned, unimpressed. "After trying to drown himself, apparently," he said, "Siegfried told Odette of Rothbart's deception."

Starfire fluttered to the edge of the lake and gave Robin a reproachful look. Robin grimaced and knelt down next to her. "I think we're near the end," he murmured. "Only a little longer, then we'll make him sorry."

This cheered Starfire up a little and she gave a quiet honk. The music swelled around them, reminding Robin that he needed to get on with the scene or he'd be forced to dance himself to death.

"Uh, so. Frogbert or whoever tricked me with another girl wearing a wig," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "Sorry."

Starfire honked again; he took this as forgiveness.

Then, with a crash of drums, Cyborg and Raven appeared at the back of the stage, now with huge, black wings and beaked masks. They reminded Robin of the fallen angels wearing plague masks, only more ridiculous.

"Von Rothbart and Odile found the couple," boomed Mumbo, "and insisted that the prince stay true to his word and marry his daughter."

"Uh, marry my daughter," said Cyborg. "Or… else?"

"But the fool-hardy prince exclaimed he would rather die!"

Robin sighed. "I'd rather die," he said listlessly. The music once more possessed his legs and sent him dancing around the glass, Starfire twirling around his feet. Then, they both leapt onto the lake…

… only to fall straight through.

They fell into a cramped cement cell beneath the stage, lit only by the stage lights filtering through the glass above. Starfire had reverted back into a human, dressed in her white tutu, eyes blazing furiously. "This is most humiliating," she said. "I do not care to be a bird again. Please, how much longer is the play?"

"To be honest, I thought it ended with the prince dying," Robin admitted, tapping the walls. They were solid. "Unless this was a trap? Get us to play along then throw us down here. Can you fly up?"

Starfire grabbed his hand and launched herself up towards the light. The glass ceiling grew closer and closer, blinding white. Robin braced himself for impact…

But the impact never came. The glass seemed to turn into water as they passed through, up above the stage. Glorious music swirled around them, and again their legs moved of their own accord. This time, however, they surrendered themselves to it. Without gravity, without the ground, just the soft air, non-resistant to each sweep of the leg and twirl of the body.

Below, the six swan girls were also dancing, human again and dressed in similar white tutus. Cyborg and Raven were nowhere to be seen.

The music grew to a deafening climax then, with a smart flick of Mumbo's wrist, stopped. The dancers in the audience clapped politely. When Starfire returned Robin to the ground, Mumbo had jumped onto the stage and bowed, sobbing.

"Thank you, thank you. A beautiful performance, but really we know the director is to thank for that," he sighed as red roses rained down on him, though no one seemed to be throwing them. "Thank you, Titans, but now I must be going. But first… get out of my hat!"

Mumbo swept his top hat from his head and gave the bottom a sharp tap. Immediately, Robin felt something like a hand pat him hard on the back and thrust him forward onto the floor. Everyone in his line of vision had fallen as well.

When he stood up, he was wearing his uniform again. The stage was empty and dark, bar the rest of his teammates and six confused ballerinas. The rest of the dancers were among the auditorium seats, staggering to their feet and rubbing their heads.

"Were… were we in his hat the entire time?" Beast Boy asked, looking down at his reinstated black and purple spandex.

"Looks like it. Which means he must be nearby… Titans, let's go!"

Robin led the way out through the back doors they had entered through – or at least thought they had – back down the narrow, prison-like corridors, out into the freezing night.

There was no sign of Mumbo anywhere.

"He's gone, Robin," Cyborg said, stopping behind him. "There's nothing we can do."

"Even if we could, there's nothing to arrest him for," Raven added. "He didn't steal anything, or hurt anyone. The most the police could do is give him a warning."

Robin growled but knew she had a point. Nevertheless, as the others trooped back to the car, he rung the police station to give them an update. A young woman answered.

"He got away too?" she moaned. "I stayed late specifically to process him when he came in."

"Sorry," he muttered gruffly and hung up. He felt a little bad for being so short with her, but he was in too bad a mood to really care all that much. Sliding his communicator back into his belt, Robin slid into the front seat of the car.

He never had liked ballet.

* * *

 **This was a tad longer than usual because… I had to tell the entirety of Tchaikovsky's _Swan Lake_ (which really isn't long at all when you consider each act is one scene, and most of it is just people dancing)**

 **Today's title comes from _The Nutcracker_ (1892) by Tchaikovsky, based on the E.T.A. Hoffman novella. _The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy_ is a _pas de deux._**


	8. Milk and Cookies For the Fat Man

Titans Tower had never looked so beautiful.

Although they'd only been gone for a few hours, it felt like days. But Cyborg's turkey was still on the kitchen counter, a gaping hole where he had been forcing an onion inside it, and Beast Boy's gingerbread mix was rolled out on the table, uncut.

However, both of these were ignored in lieu of the sofa. All five Titans collapsed on the soft blue cushions and didn't move or speak for some time.

"Do… do you think that was it?" Cyborg asked faintly, gazing listlessly at the dark window. Snow was building up on the window ledge. "Do you think we're done for the night?"

"Perhaps we should go to the bed," Starfire suggested. "And if there is an alarm, we can take turns. At least then some of us can acquire slumber."

Cyborg groaned and sat up. "I need to finish prepping the turkey… what's the time, anyway?"

Robin lazily checked his communicator. "Two in the morning."

"Merry Christmas," mumbled Beast Boy. "I'm going to take a shower… I can still smell the butcher's on me." He heaved himself to his feet and shuffled out of the room, rubbing his eyes. Raven and Cyborg dragged themselves to the kitchen, the former to make a cup of tea whilst the latter continued preparing the turkey.

Starfire tried to coax Robin up to go to bed, but he refused. "There's something else going on, Star," he said. "We need to figure out what. Let's go over it again. The brewery."

"Parry _Partridge's_ brewery!" Cyborg called. " _Birds._ Maybe it's a dig at you, Robin?"

"Or Raven?" chimed Starfire.

Robin frowned. "Gloves from the fashion museum."

"Don't forget those weird robots Mod used," said Cyborg. "Maybe they mean something?"

"They were from _A Christmas Carol_." Raven had finished making her tea and returned to the sofa, sipping from a green mug. "Maybe it's something to do with Christmas?"

"Then the opera," Robin said. "With those French singers."

"What were they called again? Le Poorly Frances?"

"Les trois poulet Francais," Raven corrected. "The three French chickens."

Starfire giggled at this and began humming, shifting so she could stretch out on the sofa like a cat.

Cyborg stuffed a final clove of garlic and slice of orange into the turkey then pulled a roll of foil out of the cupboard. "Back on the birds. Then the phones – again, birds."

"Then Dr. Light with those… light circles," Robin continued.

Starfire giggled again and sang, " _Five gold rings…"_

Robin, Cyborg, and Raven froze then turned slowly to stare at her. "What did you say?" Robin asked.

Starfire flushed. "Apologies – perhaps I sang it incorrectly? Three French chickens, five gold rings?"

Robin leapt to his feet and sprinted to the computer, quickly typing something in and pulling a web page decorated with holly leaves and candy canes onto the large screen in front of the couch. "Partridge in a pear tree," he murmured. "Parry _Partridge_ at the _pear_ orchard. Two turtle doves… maybe that has something to do with gloves?"

"Three French hens." Cyborg gaped, foil dangling from his hands. "And the phones, there were four."

"Golden eggs come from golden _geese,"_ Robin realised. "Six geese-a-laying."

"Mumbo was specific about wanting seven swans," Raven said. "If this is the link then next would be…"

"Eight maids-a-milking," Robin finished. "Star, you did it! Now we know what the link is, we can work out where they'll attack next."

With the knowledge that another attack was likely imminent, Cyborg went back to wrapping his turkey with fervour. "A dairy farm, maybe?" he suggested. "BB'll _love_ that…"

"I'll love what?" Beast Boy sloped back into the room, looking a lot more awake, and smelling much cleaner. His wet hair clung to the sides of his face, and he had a towel draped around his shoulders. "I thought we were going to bed?"

"No time," said Robin. "We've worked out the link: the twelve days of Christmas. There'll be another attack any time now."

Beast Boy gave a loud whine and threw himself on the sofa, nearly making Raven spill her tea. "Dude! Come on…" Pouting, he grabbed the remote and turned on the television, grumbling. "May as well try to stay awake…"

As Beast Boy flicked through the channels, trying to find something that wasn't reruns of old sitcoms or rubbish Christmas specials, Robin went back to the song lyrics. "There aren't any dairy farms nearby," he said. "And a farmer's market probably isn't specific enough. There has to be another way to incorporate maids-a-milking. Something like-"

"-EXTREME MILKING!"

Robin turned his head so quickly he thought his neck might snap. Beast Boy was still flicking through the channels until Robin snatched the remote from his hand and switched back to the programme he'd heard.

A presenter, wearing a berry-red suit and a wide grin, stood in the centre of a field with a black and white microphone. "I'm Derek Sneed, and this is a very special episode," he said, far too enthusiastically for a man standing ankle-deep in mud, "because this is our Christmas special! Tonight we have a very special guest to help us milk these cows – _**to the extreme!**_ Please welcome… Bru- Control Freak!?"

"Yes! It's me, Control Freak!" cackled a voice off screen. The camera whirled around, past blurry cows, and settled on an overweight man with a dark coat and greasy, orange hair. "Christmas specials are so _cheesy_ these days, so I've come to _shake_ them up! Starting with _Extreme Milking."_

Derek Sneed walked back onto camera, a few feet behind Control Freak, and motioned for the camera man to cut the film. However, Control Freak noticed and grabbed the presenter by the front of his red jacket. "Titans," he crooned. "I know you're watching. Unless you want the entire crew to become cow-chow, I suggest you come join me as _my_ special guests!"

The television began emitting a strange glow. When Robin touched it, he found his hand went straight through. "Looks like they've found a link," he remarked as his team gathered behind him.

"Through the power of terrible T.V. programming," Raven said.

The five steeled themselves then jumped into the glowing screen.

* * *

 _Extreme Milking_ had been filmed on a warm, September day, which caught the Titans by surprise when they stumbled onto soft, fresh grass. Derek Sneed yelped in surprise and tried to pull away from Control Freak, to little success.

"Drop him, Control Freak," Robin commanded.

"Hmm, I think not." With a smirk, Control Freak slung the poor man over his shoulder and legged it into the field of cows. The Titans made chase, dodging cows and trying not to slip over in splats of bovine excrement. This was, however, easier thought than done as the further they ran, the more cows they encountered.

They were, however, much faster than Control Freak, thanks both to their superior fitness and the fact they weren't trying to carry someone. Starfire soon caught up with the overweight villain, zipping in front of him, eyes blazing.

"Drop the man," she said, starbolt at the ready. "Now."

Control Freak gave her a goofy grin. "Anything for you, m'alien lady," he said, tipping an invisible fedora with one hand. With the other he carelessly dropped Derek Sneed into a fresh cow pat.

"Now, come with us so we can take you back to jail," Robin said from behind him, arms folded.

Control Freak tapped his chin thoughtfully then shook his head. "Nah, don't feel like it. As _Extreme Milking_ was a bust, I think I'll try my luck on another channel." With that he pulled a remote out from his coat, pressed a button, and was enveloped in a bright glow. The Titans wasted no time in jumping after him, disappearing into thin air…

… Only to find themselves on a narrow, snow-laden bridge in the middle of a blizzard. More alarmingly, everything was black and white, like they were in an old film. Which, they reminded themselves, they probably were.

Control Freak was running again, dark coat bleeding into the night. Robin led the pursuit after him, trying not to slip up on the icy path. As they ran, they saw two people ahead of them. A man in shabby clothes stood leaning over the railing, staring at the churning waters below, whilst a second man with a hat was behind him, watching quietly.

As they passed, Cyborg skidded on the ice and knocked into the first man, accidentally pushing him over the railings and into the river.

"For Pete's sake!" cried the second man, jumping in after him.

Control Freak fumbled with his remote again, and through the swirling snow the Titans saw another flash of light and sped up to dive into it before it disappeared.

* * *

More snow. This time they fell into what seemed to be a square garden with only a thin layer of white covering the hazy grass. In the centre of the garden was the fine figure of a snowman, wearing an old green hat and scarf, with small pieces of coal for a mouth and eyes and a fruit for a nose. It looked familiar, though Robin couldn't place it.

The garden was walled in. With no where to escape to, Control Freak panicked and began running in circles around the snowman, leaving glistening footprints in the frost, soon trampled by Cyborg's stomps.

Eventually, Raven got sick of running and, with her powers, picked up a wheelbarrow and chucked it at Control Freak, obliterating the snowman in the process. It exploded in a shower of white powder and coal.

Control Freak rubbed his head, wincing, but managed to stagger to his knees and picked up the ex-snowman's scarf. "No!" he cried. "You just destroyed my childhood!"

"Fitting, as you're about to ruin your adulthood by taking you to jail," Robin said, reaching forward to grab him by his coat lapels. But Control Freak slammed his finger on the remote and disappeared in another blue flash.

* * *

In a blink, the cold garden was replaced by a large, cosy living room. They were out of the snow at least, but Control Freak was gone. Instead there were two men: one sitting on the sofa, the other walking dramatically to the window. Both wore dinner suits and ties.

"Where'd he go?" Robin asked, brow furrowed.

Beast Boy shrugged. "Maybe he's moved on already?"

"Let's ask." Cyborg strode forward confidently and coughed to get the two men's attention. Neither looked at him. "Hey, y'all seen a fat man with a coat?"

Cyborg didn't get a reply. Music began to play, soft and tinkling. Then the man by the window began to sing in a deep, velvety voice.

" _IIIIII'm dreaming… of a whiiiiiite Chriiiiistmaaaas…"_

"Did you hear me?" Cyborg said, stepping forward again. "We're kind of in a-"

" _Just like the ooooones I used to knoooooow…"_

Cyborg looked back at his team, face contorted in confusion. "He's not listening!"

Robin sighed deeply and approached the man. "This is really impor-"

" _Where the treeeetooops glisten, and chiiiildreeeen listen… to heeeaaaar… sleighbells in the snoooooow…"_

"I don't think we're going to get anywhere with them," Raven said.

Just then, a door burst open and out stumbled Control Freak, now wearing a stereotypical Santa Claus outfit, complete with a stick-on beard. Smirking, he held up the remote and raised his finger to press a button…

(" _IIIIIIII'm dreeeaaming… of a whiiiiiiiiite Chriiiistmaaaas! With every Christmas caaaaard I write…")_

…only for Starfire to tackle with him a shriek. His finger slipped and he accidentally mashed the entire button pad with the heel of his hand. More blue light encased the group.

The two men didn't even blink.

* * *

"SANTA!"

A crowd of shrieking children greeted them, bundled up in warm coats and hats. The Titans looked around; they were in what appeared to be a mall, beautifully decorated with tinsel and white paper. The words 'WELCOME SANTA' hung from the ceiling in shining blue and red, and beneath that banner, sitting on a small throne…

"Control Freak," Robin hissed.

"I had been pondering the Santa Christmas attire," Starfire said. "He has, as you say, hidden himself in the plain sight."

"Not well enough." Robin glowered at the man, who was waving at the cheering children. "Let's take him _down."_

Before he could advance on the Santa impostor, Beast Boy grabbed him by the arm. "Dude! You can't just beat up Santa in front of all these kids!"

"Santa! It's me, Buddy!"

A grown man had joined the throng of children, decked in green. Control Freak's smile froze. "Ah…"

Beast Boy gasped and clapped his hands excitedly. "I love this film!"

"Why am I not surprised," said Cyborg.

"It's me!" The man, Buddy, ran forward. "It's m- who the heck are you?"

Control Freak paled. "W-well I'm Santa Claus!"

The children began surging forward, all eager to be the first to talk to 'Santa Claus'. The Titans had to awkwardly pick their way through the room, trying not to tread on any toes or knock anyone over, desperate to reach Control Freak before he did anything.

The crazy elf-man looked furious, his face inches from Control Freak's. They reached the front just in time to hear him hiss, "You sit on a throne of lies," before yanking on his beard. It fell away, eliciting gasps of shock from the children.

Control Freak scrambled to reattach the beard whilst backing away from the elf-man. "Time to go back to the North Pole," he said, grabbing one of the sacks of presents as he went. He fished his remote out and jabbed it.

The last thing the Titans heard was the man screeching, "He's a fake, he's a fake!" before the world dissolved into blue.

* * *

Blue melted away into a snowy mountainside. Up ahead there was a large sleigh, weighed down with a bulging sack. Next to the sleigh stood a green, hairy man wearing an amateurish Father Christmas outfit and holding a sort of trumpet to his ear.

A loud, disembodied voice permeated the mountain air.

 _He **hadn't** stopped Christmas from coming! **It came!  
**_ _Somehow or other, it came just the same!_

Control Freak, was ahead of them too, running towards the green man. He still had his bag, and was grabbing wrapped boxes from inside and throwing them at the Titans.

 _And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,  
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"  
_" _It came without ribbons! It came without tags!  
_ " _It came-"_

Control Freak pushed rudely past the Grinch, throwing another present which hit him in the head. The Grinch picked it up and turned it over in his hairy hands.

" _-from a fat man with a large burlap bag!"  
_ _He opened the present with fervour and hope,  
_ _And the Grinch found inside deodorant and soap!_

Beast Boy snickered as they dashed past. "Well, at least he'll find it useful," he joked. "He does kinda smell."

They rushed on, disappearing in another blue flash and leaving the green man to stare sadly at his present.

" _This Christmas," he thought, "isn't kindness and peace,"  
_ " _Christmas is a time for petty release!"  
_ _And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say,  
_ _That the Grinch's small heart shrank three sizes that day!_

* * *

Inside again. This time, the room was empty and dark. Windows looking out to the night sky lined the barren walls. Fortunately, Control Freak appeared next to them. The moment the six of them realised this, he was on his feet and hurtling through a door.

"I feel like all we're doing is chasing him," Cyborg grunted as they, once more, ran after him. "How do we _catch_ him?"

"His remote's got to run out of power eventually. And when it does…" Robin punched his hand, scowling.

Gunfire sounded from somewhere nearby, catching Beast Boy by such surprise that he tripped over his own feet.

Control Freak led them through what looked like unused offices; the furniture had been pushed to the side, and the lights were all off. Fortunately, the gunfire had stopped for the time being, but Robin kept a hand on his smoke-bombs just in case.

Control Freak paused by a door then swung around to stare at the Titans like a trapped rabbit. There was a muffled voice coming from behind him.

"It's over, Control Freak. Give yourself up," Robin demanded. The Titans slowly advanced, cornering him against the door. Control Freak's gaze flickered between them and the handle, as if weighing up his odds.

He made his choice and threw open the door…

"Yippee ki yay, motherf-"

A man in a grubby vest stared at them in shock, blood on his clothes a gun in his hand. Starfire shrieked and blasted him with a starbolt, throwing him back into a wall and knocking him out cold.

A walkie-talkie clattered to the floor.

Cyborg's clutched his head in horror. "You killed John McClane!"

Raven nudged the man with her foot. "He's probably be fine… Now, I believe we were about to take down this moron?"

"Gyah!" yelped Control Freak, already drawing out the remote.

The Titans were getting quite sick of blue light.

* * *

"Now where are we?" Beast Boy grumbled.

Raven smirked. "It looks like a graveyard."

"Trust you to be happy about that."

"Sshh!" Robin glared at them, crouching behind a rather ostentatious grave. "He's shaken us off again, but if we're quiet we can find him and surprise him."

The others nodded and followed suit, behind tombs and skeletal trees. The moon hung above them, huge and yellow like a giant egg yolk stuck in the black sky. In front of it was a hill, but instead of sloping down it trailed off into a curl overlooking a steep fall, oddly striking against the moon.

A figure appeared, tall and bony. And singing. Again.

" _Oh soooomewhere deeeeep inside of these boooones… An eeemptiness begaaan to grooow…"_

"I vote we don't ask him if he saw anyone," Cyborg whispered.

"Yeah, he kinda gives me the creeps," Beast Boy added with a shudder.

Robin shushed them. "We're looking for Control Freak! Although it might be easier if we knew where we were-"

"Nightmare Before Christmas," Raven said immediately.

Robin stared at her until she ever-so-slightly flushed and looked away.

"Trust you to like this film," Beast Boy said. On the curly hill, the skeleton man continued lamenting about emptiness and despair.

Cyborg slapped Robin's shoulder and pointed at a gravestone a few metres away. "I see him!"

But Control Freak had spotted them too and made a dash for it. However, he stumbled on something and fell forward, the remote sailing from his hands towards the skeleton on the hill.

Starfire and Beast Boy, as a falcon, flew after it. Somehow, the skeleton didn't notice two being hurtling in his direction.

" _And since I am dead, I can take off my head! To recite Shakespearean quota-AAHH!"_

The skeleton _did_ , however, notice when a green bird whizzed past and knocked his skull out of his grip. It clunked on the ground then rolled into the deep darkness of the graveyard, leaving its body scratching the top of its neck in confusion.

Starfire managed to catch the remote and joyfully brought it back to the team. "I have acquired the controller!" She passed it to Robin who turned to Control Freak – being restrained in Cyborg's grip – with a crooked grin.

"Looks like your show's been cancelled."

* * *

Once they were back at the tower, Raven's services were volunteered to teleport Control Freak to the police station. When she returned in a spiral of black energy, she found Robin at the computer muttering to himself whilst typing furiously. Cyborg was tinkering with what she assumed to be Control Freak's remote. Beast Boy was rapidly cutting shapes out of vegan gingerbread dough, and Starfire was raiding the fridge.

It felt like a normal day, apart from the fact it was quarter to three in the morning.

Raven sighed and grabbed a teabag from her cupboard. Extra caffeinated.

* * *

 **This chapter's title isn't a quote (for a change) but rather something my fabulous sister came up with. Her thought process was thus:**

 **Cows. Cows produce milk. Milk goes with cookies. Santa Claus eats milk and cookies. Santa Claus is sorta fat… Control Freak also is fat.**

 **Genius.**

 **The Christmas specials/films used were:  
**

 _ **It's A Wonderful Life**_ **(1946)**

 _ **The Snowman**_ **(1982)** **(Originally a 1978 picture book by Raymond Briggs)**

 _ **Happy Holidays with Bing and Frank**_ **(1957)** **(Basically an excuse for Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra to sing a load of Christmas songs)**

 _ **Elf**_ **(2003)**

 _ **How the Grinch Stole Christmas!**_ **(1966)** **(Originally a 1957 book by Dr. Seuss)**

 _ **Die Hard**_ **(1988)**

 _ **The Nightmare Before Christmas**_ **(1993)**


	9. Rocking Around the Christmas Pole

Gingerbread was in the oven, Cyborg was plugged into the wall to top off his battery charge, and Robin was scribbling on a large whiteboard, half-covered by a map, whilst his teammates watched from the sofa.

"So," he said, turning around suddenly and tapping the board with the end of his pen. "Twelve days of Christmas. Judging by this pattern, the next attack will have something to do with day nine: ladies dancing. Any ideas where they might strike?"

"Maybe a night club?" Cyborg suggested. "Or a ballroom? Is there a ballroom in Jump City?"

Robin rapped the pen against the map. "Three nightclubs. Here, here, and here. No ballrooms, but the town hall does throw a dance once a year."

"Ooh, I know!" Beast Boy piped up, bouncing in his seat. "On ninth street there's a strip club!"

"A 'strip club'?" Starfire repeated.

Beast Boy nodded. "Yeah, _Sugar and Spice_!" His grin gradually faded as he realised Raven, Cyborg and Robin were staring at him suspiciously.

"How do you know about that strip club?" Robin asked, frowning.

"You're a little young, aren't you?" Cyborg added. Beast Boy flushed and muttered something inaudible.

Robin twiddled his pen around his fingers. "We should go to the car. Drive by a few of these places, see if they're worth investigating. Either way, we should be getting an alarm anytime now. Let's go."

Cyborg unplugged the his charger and trooped after the others back down to the garage. They climbed into the car and drove into the city, listening to the poor radio hosts trying to sound enthusiastic about being up before the sun in between Christmas carols.

The first two nightclubs were closed, doors locked, and as Raven pointed out that at the previous crimes the doors had been open they moved on. The third nightclub, _Champagne Corks_ , was locking up when the T-car stopped outside.

The snow was falling thick and fast now, coating the pavement and rooftops. One of the bouncers noticed the car and wandered over, bending down to peer through the window as Cyborg wound it down. "Evening, Titans. Everything all right?"

"For now," Robin replied. "Nothing suspicious happening here, is there?"

"Not in the last few hours I've been on shift," he said. "My brother works for the police force; he texted me about all the attacks tonight. You don't think something's gonna happen here, do you?"

"We're not sure yet. It's a possibility."

Raven leaned forward. "Is anyone still inside?"

The bounced blinked and nodded. "Yeah, it's just me and Bobby closing up. Why?"

"It won't be here." She sat back in her seat. "You can't have nine ladies dancing without any women to dance."

With a sigh of relief, the bouncer waved and headed back to the club, leaving the Titans to drive on. The streets of Jump City were so quiet that the Titans could hear _Sugar and Spice_ before they could see it.

It was an older, detached building, set back from the road with a rickety staircase wrapped around one corner. From the outside it looked abandoned and run down, but red light and pounding music spilled through slits in the curtains, and two, large men were stationed by the front door.

"Do you reckon they're open?" Cyborg said with a snicker, parking just around the corner. Even though they were stopping a crime, it would not do well for their car to be seen outside a strip club.

Robin pursed his lips. "It must be here." He stepped out of the car and approached the bouncers, who didn't acknowledge him until he was right in front of them, clearing his throat. The rest of his team stood awkwardly to the side.

"What do you want, kid?" grunted one bouncer, peering at him over the top of dark glasses.

"We need go inside," Robin said, taking up his 'power stance': arms folded, feet apart, back straight. "We have reason to believe there'll be an attack here tonight."

"Pfftch, not under our watch," snorted the second bouncer. "Get lost, kid."

"Unless you got ID," said the first. "You gotta be eighteen."

Robin's eyes narrowed. "I can't; that would give away my secret identity."

"Well then, looks like you can't go in."

"This is an emergency!" Robin insisted. "The crime could be happening _right now!_ We're superheroes! You have to let us in."

"It's a strip joint," said the second bouncer. "Of course there's dodgy stuff happening. Now get lost, kid. All of you."

Growling, Robin stepped back from the building and rejoined his team. "This is ridiculous."

"Laws are laws," Cyborg said, shrugging. "We don't even know for sure that this _is_ where it's going to happen."

"It is," said Raven. "Look over there." She nodded down the narrow alley squeezing between the strip club and the next building. The other Titans tread carefully to the mouth of the alley and peered down; a figure was skulking in the shadows.

"Is that Johnny Rancid?" Starfire asked. "Perhaps he is the perpetrator for this crime?"

Robin nodded. "I think you might be right."

Rancid appeared to be speaking on the phone then, after a few seconds, he disappeared behind a corner. A muffled bang like a door closing echoed down the alley.

"He's gone in the back," said Robin. "We have to get inside."

"But we're not old enough," Beast Boy pointed out, his ears drooping.

Cyborg smirked. "You're not."

"Are you?"

But Cyborg didn't reply. Instead, he walked around the corner, back to the car.

When he returned, he was wearing a grey hoodie and black jeans, and two silver rings. His electronic body parts were gone, replaced with what looked like fully human flesh. Cyborg gave a smirk and fished a card out of his pocket; a driver's license, though he didn't show it long enough for anyone to read it properly.

He breezed past his team and strode confidently to the bouncers. Without waiting to be asked, he held up the ID card.

The second bouncer took it and gave it a thorough examination, eyes flickering between the card and Cyborg's face. Finally, he sighed and handed it back then stepped away from the door. "Enjoy your evening," he grumbled.

One hand clenched around the communicator in his pocket, Cyborg entered the building.

Inside was what looked like a typical seedy club. Red and pink lights flashed sporadically from the ceiling. There was a long, thin stage extending half the length of the room, lined with poles and cages. Men in dark coats leered at scantily-clad ladies, who in turn draped themselves around their shoulders and stroked their faces. A few girls were on the stage, one on a pole and two more suspended in the cages, rocking their hips in time to the thunderous beat of the music.

A bar took up one wall, tended by two men in white shirts and red bow ties. A few more sat on high stools, sipping drinks and cheering whenever one of the dancers pulled off a particularly risqué move.

Cyborg had not been inside two seconds when a girl in a leopard print bikini leaned her cheek against his shoulder and caressed his arm. "Hello, handsome. Haven't seen you around before."

Cyborg laughed awkwardly and brushed her off, and tried avoid all eye contact with anyone. This proved rather difficult as with every step another girl would sidle up to him, pushing their assets and encouraging him to buy drinks or food.

"A little Christmas bonus for yourself," one cooed, twirling a lock of candy-red hair around her finger. "Go on…"

"I'm okay, thanks," he muttered, craning his neck to see the back corners of the club, shrouded in shade. Then he spotted a large body that could only be Johnny Rancid. "I've just seen someone I know, sorry, bye!"

Prying her hand from his elbow, Cyborg pushed his way through the club, eyes trained on the man at the back.

Rancid hadn't seen him. He was sitting alone at a table, tapping on his phone, with what looked like a suitcase propped against his leg. Nothing criminal appeared to be happening. Yet.

Cyborg settled down at another table nearby, hood up to cover his face, and waited.

* * *

Robin and the other Titans had retreated to the car. Starfire, in the front seat with Robin, was fiddling with the radio. She eventually settled on a station which played non-stop Latino music and happily danced in her seat whilst they waited for contact from Cyborg.

Robin was leaning forward, glaring at a brick wall, knowing those bouncers were on the other side, unaware. The bubbly music playing from the stereo came to an abrupt halt when the car phone began ringing. Robin answered it immediately.

"Hello?"

"Robin, it's Sgt. Miller again." His voice was slightly distorted by the speakers. "We've just had an anonymous tip off about a drug deal going down on ninth street. Johnny Rancid. The tip-off said they thought it was happening in some sort of club?"

Robin exchanged glances with his teammates. " _Sugar and Spice_?"

"Might be. We're sending some units down, but with Rancid involved we need your support."

"We're already here." Robin hung up on Miller then pulled out his communicator to send a message to Cyborg.

 _Had a call from Miller. It's a drug deal. Rancid involved._

The reply came moments later.

 _On it._

* * *

Cyborg slipped his communicator back into his pocket and turned back at Rancid. He was still on his phone, frowning now and tapping his fingers against the table. Like Cyborg, he ignored the advances of the ladies, and seemed impervious to the sour looks they were giving him.

A drug deal made sense. The suitcase, the dark table. He needed to get Rancid out of the club, preferably before the buyer turned up.

If the buyer ever did turn up.

Rancid was scowling now, glaring at his phone screen like it had called his mother an alcoholic hamster.

Cyborg stood and made his way to Rancid's table, slamming his hand on the wood to get his attention. "I know what you're here for," he rumbled, keeping an eye out for nosy workers. "Let's take this case outside, huh?"

Rancid glared at him and used his foot to nudge the suitcase under the table, out of sight. "And just how are you gonna get me outside?" he drawled.

With a smirk and a crack of the knuckles, Cyborg dropped the holograph and melted away into his robotic form, eliciting a series of shrieks from the room. "Like this."

A growl of rage ripped from Rancid's throat. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"My job."

Rancid leapt to his feet, fist raised to strike, but Cyborg was quicker. With a fluid sweep of his arm, he readied his sonic cannon and fired it directly at his chest. Rancid was slammed into the back wall.

More screams made Cyborg realise he perhaps could have been a little subtler. When he turned around he found the entire club staring at him, some with recognition, others with horror and fear. Someone had turned down the thumping music, and the crashes and screams had obviously caught the attention of bouncers as two large men were now pushing through the crowds towards them.

Rancid staggered back to the table and snatched the suitcase, just as the bouncers reached them. One made a grab for Cyborg, whilst the other tried to manhandle Rancid to the floor. He wasn't having much luck as Rancid was a slippery character and easily evaded him. Sending the bouncer flying with a sharp kick, Rancid legged it to the back door, disguised as part of the wall.

The other bouncer had a strong grip on Cyborg's upper arms, but he was easily flung off. Cyborg launched himself after Rancid, crashing through the backdoor into the crisp night. Rancid was ahead of him, dashing down the slippery, snow-filled alley way, hugging his suitcase to his chest…

Only to crash into a huge, green gorilla.

"Wha-"

 _SMACK_

Rancid hit the side of the alley with an awful thud and fell dazed into a pile of ice and slush. The gorilla morphed back into Beast Boy who grabbed the case.

"I got it!" he called, waving an arm above his head. "They're over here!"

Robin, Raven and Starfire appeared behind him. "Good work, team," said Robin, taking the case from Beast Boy and cracking it open. "This could put you away for a long time, Rancid."

Rancid muttered something about being set up. Or wanting to sit up. Either way, Raven merely pushed him so he was face-down in the snow and wrapped tendrils of black energy around him to keep him from escaping.

"OI! YOU!"

Cyborg flinched; he'd forgotten about the bouncers chasing them. "Maybe we should-"

"Titans? What's happening?" A group of police officers arrived on the scene, crowding around the mouth of the alley. "Have you caught Rancid already?"

Raven's answer was to kick Rancid towards them.

The bouncers stopped behind Cyborg. "Officers, this man is guilty of assault and battery," said one of them.

The officer in charge rolled her eyes. "These are the Teen Titans. They were on a mission for us. We're not going to arrest them, so you can go back to your little den."

"He punched me!" the other said. "Completely unprovoked!"

"You were probably getting in the way!"

"I was doing my job!"

"So was he!"

Cyborg coughed awkwardly. "Well, I'll just be going now…"

To the bouncers' dismay, the police officers moved to one side and allowed the Titans to leave the alley before diving straight back into the argument. Rancid lay forgotten and moaning between them.

As the others trooped to the car, Robin handed the suitcase to one of the other officers. "Rancid had this."

The officer took the case and peeked inside. "Ugh. Last thing we need is a drug charge to write up…"

Robin gave him a tight-lipped, sympathetic smile and continued on his way.

Once they were all in the car, Cyborg started a lively retelling of what happened in the club, stopping only to check the mirrors when he started up the car and pulled back onto the road.

Robin was only half-listening. Something didn't seem right about Rancid's crime. Of all the places to set up a drug deal, why a crowded club? And hadn't he said something about being set up? Did someone else tell him to use the club as the deal site?

Cyborg had come to the end of his tale, and was now complaining about the Latino music he'd just noticed was blaring from the radio. As he fiddled with the dashboard to switch it to something else, Starfire reached out to place a hand on Robin's shoulder.

"You are okay?" she asked gently.

He nodded. "I was just thinking… the police got an anonymous tip off about the drug deal, but how did anyone know it was going to happen? Unless…"

"Unless there's someone behind all the attacks," Raven said. "That's what the twelve days of Christmas pattern implies. Maybe we should try to find out who and stop them."

"But the next attack could happen any time now," Beast Boy pointed out. "We need to be ready so no one gets hurt."

"What do you think, Robin?" Cyborg asked, but Robin didn't reply. He was staring at the wing mirror through the window, frowning deeply. "Rob?"

Slowly, Robin turned his head to face Cyborg then the rest of his team. "Slade."

* * *

 **Fun fact: I had to look up how old one needed to be to get into a strip club in America. I typed my question into Google and the first thing that came up? 'How to Get into a Strip Club' on WikiHow. (With pictures!)**

 **Some of the articles on that website are so specifically weird; I love it. And I now know more about strip clubs than I ever wanted to know – yaaay.**

 **This chapter's title comes from _Rocking Around the Christmas Tree_ (Brenda Lee, 1958). Except I changed the word 'tree' to 'pole' because I'm a comedic mastermind that way. **


	10. Christmas Jumper Party

The door crashed open, shaking the walls. Robin burst through panting, fists twitching by his sides. The other Titans followed him in, arranging themselves in attack formation, readying starbolts and sonic cannons.

Slade looked up in surprise. He was standing next to a long, mahogany table, laying out glinting silver cutlery. However, he dropped the fork he was holding and straightened up, snatching the red Santa hat from his head.

"Titans," he said in the most menacing voice he could muster. "I see you've found my lair."

"How did we find his lair?" Beast Boy hissed to Cyborg.

Cyborg shrugged.

"It's over, Slade. We know you're behind these attacks," Robin snapped, marching forward. "We've come to take you down before someone gets hurt."

For a while, Slade only stared at them, blinking. "It seems you've let your obsession get the better of you again, Robin," he finally said.

Cyborg lowered his cannon. "You're not behind the attacks?"

"He's lying!" Robin yelled, smashing his staff against the ground. "He's behind them. I know it. I _feel_ it!"

"Robin. When have I ever _not_ owned up to my criminal work?" Slade asked patiently. "I'm afraid, on this occasion, you have the wrong criminal mastermind. Now, I'd advise you leave before I am forced to engage you in combat."

"Do your wors-" Robin began but Starfire hastily grabbed him around the shoulders and drew him backwards.

"Perhaps, on this occasion, we should refrain from the attacking."

"But, Star-"

"Robin," said Raven sharply. "I don't think he's been orchestrating these attacks."

"Yeah, he's been too busy _decorating_ ," Beast Boy snickered, nodding at the cardboard boxes of baubles, and the tinsel messily taped along the back of each chair. "Who's coming for dinner? Your _girlfriend?_ And why are you doing it at three in the morning?" _  
_

Slade glowered and pointed to the door. "Leave."

Squeaking, Beast Boy retreated, followed by Raven, Cyborg, and Starfire – who had to drag Robin along.

After a few seconds, Slade sighed, body drooping, and look to the mantelpiece where there sat a framed photograph of Jericho. "Maybe… this year…"

* * *

Back in the car, the Titans were trying to work out what the next crime was going to be.

"Ten lords a-leaping," Beast Boy murmured, tapping his chin. "Are there any lords in Jump City?"

"No, at least there's no one with 'lord' as their official title," Robin replied. "I think whoever's behind this is going to have to be a little creative with this."

"What about the leaping part?" Cyborg asked. As much as he wanted to head back to Titans tower, he knew it was pointless and was instead driving aimlessly around the city.

The car phone began ringing and Beast Boy chuckled to himself. "Maybe someone's robbed a trampoline store?"

"Is this the Teen Titans?" yelped a frantic voice the moment Robin answered the call. "This is Terry of _Terry's Terrific Tower of Trampolines_. I've been robbed!"

"Robbed?" Cyborg repeated, glancing dumbfounded at Beast Boy.

"And one of my vans has been hijacked!"

Robin frowned. "We'll keep a look out for it."

"Thank you, Titans!"

A click signalled the end of the call. "Well, that's the leaping part solved," Raven said. "Now for the lords."

Just then, the car phone rang again, eliciting more confused looks exchanged by the group. Robin clicked a button to answer.

"Titans, it's mayor O'Leary. You have to come and help us. We're at the town hall."

"What's happened?" Robin asked, but the line descended into muffled shouts and grunts, then it went dead. Robin turned gravely to Cyborg. "Town hall."

Fortunately, they were only a few minutes away. It was a grand, old building in the centre of Jump City. Cream pillars flanked the wide, dark wood doors, and rounded windows lined the front walls. A splattering of trees hid the car park around the side, but through the leaves was visible a large, blue truck.

A truck from _Terry's Terrific Tower of Trampolines_.

They parked messily next to one of the pillars and hurtled into the building – again, the doors were unlocked. The ground floor was quiet and dark, but there were shrieks sounding from up the grand staircase next to the main reception.

They ran up and followed the screams down thickly carpeted corridors until they came to a set of ornate doors. Golden doorknobs gleamed beneath finely carved wooden panels. The ballroom, where the mayor and other socialites often held charity events and parties.

Robin yanked on the handle and pulled the door open.

Every inch of the floor was covered in trampolines. Trampolines of every size; huge ones in the centre, tiny ones filling the corners, long ones stretched across the walls. Pushed snug around every pillar, slotted into every alcove. Nowhere was safe.

The shrieking was now obvious as on the trampolines were ten figures. Men, dressed in their pyjamas and dressing gowns, were bouncing helplessly across the elastic surfaces, clawing for something to grab onto for stability or to anchor themselves to, but there was nothing. No gaps in between the trampolines to wedge their fingers into, no grips on the walls or ceiling. One man had tried to grab a pillar as he sprung past, but the force of the bounce proved too strong and he merely smacked his nose against the wood then fell away howling.

"I didn't realise the next attack would be so literal," Raven remarked, staring at the bizarre scene with her usual deadpan expression.

Robin climbed onto the first trampoline, keeping his feet firmly planted on the safe edge, and glanced around for signs of the villain.

Beast Boy suddenly gasped and pointed to the far right corner of the ceiling, where one of the pillars arced into the wall with fancy scroll work. There, between wood and plaster, a figure crouched; it appeared to be laughing.

Starfire flew up to get a closer look, avoiding the flailing socialites. "It is Killer Moth!" she called. "And- AHHH!"

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, several large moths streamed into the room, like furry, white cannon balls crashing into whoever they could reach, including Starfire. She had to perform a series of frantic somersaults to avoid them as she tried to find her way back to the team.

"Cowards," Killer Moth crowed, surging towards them with his powerful wings, his moths parting before him. "Come up and fight me if you want to save these undeserving scumbags."

One of the men tried to argue back, but instead crashed into someone else. Both collapsed groaning and clutching their heads.

Robin clenched his jaw; they didn't have much of a choice. "Titans, go!" he cried, launching himself onto the trampoline.

There were several things to think about at once. One, take down as many moths as possible. Two, tried to get close to Killer Moth and bring him down. Three, don't hurt the civilians. However, these proved rather difficult.

The moths, and Killer moths, had the advantage over Cyborg and Robin. Without the ability to fly, the two were forced to use trampolines to get into the air. However, with a bunch of random people also leaping around, they would sometimes land or jump at the wrong time and end up in the wrong direction.

Or, as happened more times than Robin cared to think about, his feet would catch the elastic at just the wrong time and his legs would buckle beneath him. And once off his feet, it was difficult to get back up again.

Beast Boy fared better. He morphed into a large eagle and swooped around the hall, catching moths in his talons and hurling them away, trying to knock others out of the air. He had cleared a good chunk of them when Killer Moth caught him with his plasma whip and sent him spiralling into the wall.

Raven was having more difficulty than usual. With nothing to use her telekinetic powers on, she couldn't use long-range attacks. Fortunately, the moths weren't exactly clever, and were easily batted aside by a good kick.

Killer Moth wasn't as empty-headed, and his plasma whip was dangerous. She managed to dodge it for a while, ducking whenever he raised it and aiming her attacks at his back. But her success couldn't last; he managed to wrap the end of the whip around her ankle and, with a cry of pain, Raven tumbled to the trampoline hell below.

Soon, Starfire was the only one not bouncing uselessly across the floor.

"The whip! Get the whip!" Robin yelled, trying and failing again to right himself.

She nodded, resolute, and rose to face Killer Moth. He was expecting her, fluttering in the centre of the room with his arms folded. He opened his mouth to make some sort of snarky comment, but was interrupted by a barrage of starbolts and green explosions.

Killer Moth yelped and promptly dropped the whip. But the barrage didn't stop. If anything it grew heavier until nothing was visible but green smoke and searing light. Killer Moth rocketed away, but the attack followed him. He angled up the ceiling then went backwards, like a large loop-de-loop, and tried to come up behind her.

Unfortunately for Starfire, the smoke from her vicious attack had given him ample cover. She paused, waiting for the air to clear, starbolts at the ready. But when the smoke dissipated, he had gone.

Beast Boy, recovering from his daze, managed to control his jumps enough to shout, "Star, behind you!"

It was a second too late. Large hands grabbed her wrists and pulled them against her back, rendering them useless.

"You're a pesky fly, aren't you?" Killer Moth sneered in her ear.

"I am not a fly," Starfire growled, turning her head to fix him with a glare. "Flies cannot _sting!"_

With a flash, green energy shot from her eyes and exploded in Killer Moth's face. He let go and fell for a few moments, catching himself just in time for Raven to swoop in and use his own plasma whip. It curled around his arm tight enough to swing him into the wall with a flick of the wrist.

Starfire swooped down to grab Killer Moth under the arms, and Raven rearranged the whip so it was wrapped around his body, sending constant waves of pain to stop him from struggling. Together, the two girls got him outside the town hall, where Raven tore down some of the drainpipes from the town hall to tie up Killer Moth.

With the criminal tightly secured, they returned to the trampoline room to help their teammates and the ten socialites back to solid ground.

None of them stayed around long. After a quick phone call to the police to alert them of Killer Moths' wrong-doing and capture - "You mean we've got to get statements from ten upper-class twits then move _how_ many trampolines!?" - the Titans bundled back into the car and promptly drove away.

"I never want to go on another trampoline in my life," Beast Boy muttered, nursing a bruise on his leg. "Ever."

"This was the ridiculous, correct?" said Starfire. "What is the next lyric?"

"Can't be any more crazy than this one, right?" Cyborg asked. "Right!?"

"Pipers piping," Robin grunted, clearly still embarrassed that he had been next to useless in the fight. "A music shop?"

Beast Boy groaned and pressed his hands into his face. "Please tell me it won't be bagpipes!"

"It won't be bagpipes," Raven said. Beast Boy perked up until she added, "Unless it is."

"Aww…"

"The real question," Robin interrupted, glaring at the road in front of them, "is who's behind this if it isn't Slade?"

Snowflakes swirled past the window, illuminated by the glow of the headlamps, then disappeared into the night.

* * *

 **This chapter's title is an absolutely _hilarious_ play on the word 'jumper' being both an article of clothing at a noun meaning someone who jumps. **

**Sorry, I couldn't think of a good quote for this one…**


	11. Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot?

As much as the Titans hoped it wasn't true, Beast Boy's guess of bagpipes representing the eleven pipers was a good one. There were five music shops in Jump City, but Robin made the decision to stake out _Musical Menagerie_ on First as it was the biggest in the city.

The streets were slowly starting to come to life. Despite the black night still permeating the air, lights were flickering on in windows and sometimes the odd person would shuffle down the pavement. A few cars passed them on the road, whining streaks of light disappearing beyond the city limits.

But no one came to the music shop.

It was nearly five o'clock when something caught Cyborg's eye. He nudged Robin and pointed to the rear-view mirror where they could see two figures running down the road.

Starfire turned around in her seat. "Perhaps they are running _from_ a crime? We are in the incorrect location?"

"Or they're running to it," Robin growled as the figures came closer. One wore bright white and forest green, whilst the other flapped black and purple like a large bat.

"Is that See-More and Kyd Wykkyd?" Beast Boy said, craning his neck to get a better look. "I was wondering about the rest of the H.I.V.E. Five…"

Robin grit his teeth. "Cyborg, follow them."

The two villains ran past the car, seemingly not noticing it, and disappeared around a corner. The T-Car pulled back onto the road in pursuit, driving slower than usual to remain behind them. It was a short journey; just two blocks, another turn, then See-More and Kyd Wykkyd disappeared into a dark building.

Robin flew out the car and skidded to a stop outside. The words ' _Aust_ _i_ _n Family Bakery_ ' were printed above the door in peeling black letters, and the bay windows either side suddenly turned gold as the shop lights were turned on. Robin hurtled through the front door, leapt over the counter, and burst into the kitchen with his teammates hot on his heels.

See-More and Kyd Wykkyd were at the large table in the centre of the room, spooning lumpy grey goo into piping bags, and joined by Billy Numerous and several clones. Robin didn't need to do a headcount to work out there were eleven of them to battle altogether.

For a moment, the Titans and the H.I.V.E. Five members stared at each other, both groups seemingly equally surprised by the other. Then Beast Boy pointed at one of the Billy Numerouses and proclaimed, "I thought we already took you to jail!"

"And I thought we already took you to…" Billy began but faltered. "Uuhh…well… Eat this!" He swept up one of the piping bags and squeezed, squirting a large amount of grey gunk at Beast Boy.

With a cry of repulsion, Beast Boy wiped it from his face, but his hand stuck fast to his skin and wouldn't budge however hard he tugged. "What is this stuff!?"

See-More gave a high-pitched laugh and gestured a large bag on the surface. "Quick dry cement –want a taste?"

Cackling, the villains launched into an attack. Soon the air was thick with spurts of cement, clinging to the walls and dripping from the ceiling. With one arm already out of action, Beast Boy was taken out quickly, glued to the floor in the corner.

The Billys were relatively easy to fight. From her vantage point near the ceiling, Starfire was able to avoid the blasts of cement sent her way and fire starbolts with deadly accuracy at piping bags whenever one of the clones turned their back. She had managed to take six out of nine Billys out single-handed by when a glob of cement caught her wrist and pinned it to the ceiling. A seventh Billy fell victim to a powerful kick before more cement entombed her, rendering her helpless.

The other two Billys succumbed to Cyborg's sonic cannon; they were thrown through the door and crashed into the shop counter with a loud crunch and a _ding._

" _Eye_ think you need to cool down," See-More cried, ducking beneath a bird-a-rang and firing a barrage of eye-shaped projectiles at Cyborg. The eyes exploded upon impact, showering him with icy water. Cyborg readied his cannon again, but failed to fire as a large blob of cement from See-More's piping bag had blocked the barrel.

Cyborg's arm exploded with a blue flash, and the resulting shower of cement flecks pasted him to the table. See-More made the mistake of pausing to gloat – "What's wrong, too much _eye-_ cing?" – which gave Robin the window he needed. Another bird-a-rang, attached to a length of steel-enforced string, sailed through the air and wrapped around See-More's legs. The cyclops crashed to the ground and dropped his piping bag.

"You need another layer," Robin said, stepping on the bag. Grey sloshed out all over See-More and encased him like a poorly-made coffin.

Unfortunately, Robin didn't notice Kyd Wykkyd sneak up on him until it was too late, and he met a similar fate to See-More. He watched, bound by cold cement, as Kyd Wykkyd and Raven squared up, in the centre of the kitchen.

Raven attacked first. She lifted a pile of pans from the side and threw them like discuses, but Kyd Wykkyd whirled into his cloak and disappeared, reappearing suddenly behind Raven with his piping bag poised. Cement flew, but Raven leapt away at the last moment, grey smearing the ends of her cloak.

Kyd Wykkyd didn't give her time to recover; he twirled again, transporting behind her to catch her arms, but she slickly moved away and rolled under the table. Kyd Wykkyd jumped on top, spread out his cloak across the wood, creating a portal through which he drove his hand and piping bag.

Raven was ready for him. Before he could squeeze she grabbed his wrist and pulled. Kyd Wykkyd tumbled forward, entire arm falling through his cloak, and slammed face-first into the wood.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" The piping bag's nozzle was ripped away, unleashing a slurry of cement to the ground. Then, with a final tug, she forced Kyd Wykkyd's hand into the puddle of cement as it dried, trapping him halfway through the table.

Raven crawled out and surveyed the kitchen. It was destroyed. Scorch marks from starbolts and sonic blasts marred the chipped-tile walls; the ovens were dented; utensils were strewn across the ground; and cement was everywhere. Grey smears on the floor; smudges on the surfaces; stalactites dragged from the ceiling.

The other Titans squirmed in their concrete prisons, so Raven began releasing them one-by-one. Black energy moulded around her fingers which she used to slash through the grey bonds and break Starfire free from the ceiling. As Starfire hurried to dig Robin out, Raven used her magic to crumble the cement holding Cyborg to a wall.

When it came to Beast Boy, things became more complicated. It was easy to free him from the corner, but his hand was still stuck to his face.

Starfire threaded her fingers beneath his in attempts to prise his hand away, but he squealed. "Ooww!"

"I apologise, Beast Boy," said Starfire solemnly. "But I see no other way of extracting your hand from your face."

"Shame it's not stuck to his mouth," Raven added, earning her a glare. As they and Cyborg continued trying to help Beast Boy, Robin crouched next to See-More and broke the cement away from his head.

See-More lifted his gaze and frowned at him. "Didn't take you as the gloating kind."

"Didn't take you as the bakery-wrecking kind," Robin replied. "We know there's something bigger going on. Who told you to target the bakery? Who's behind this?"

See-More held his stare for a few seconds then looked away. "Can't tell you."

"Why?"

"I can't," See-More insisted.

Robin groaned in frustration and stood to pace for a while. "What do you think it is going to happen if you tell us?"

Still avoiding his eye, See-More muttered, "It's more what'll happen if I don't."

A garbled yell grabbed Robin's attention. Beast Boy lunged forward, rubbing his rather pink face. "Dude! I thought you were going to rip my skin off!" He regarded his hand, crusty and grey. "I'll never wash this off…"

"You never wash," Raven pointed out.

Beast Boy glowered again and shuffled over to Robin. "Did he say who's behind it?"

"No," Robin said, staring at See-More distastefully.

"I know! We could get you less jail time!" Nudging See-More shoulder with his foot, Beast Boy continued. "Reduced sentence for, uhh, police co-operation?"

See-More hummed derisively but made no comment.

"We can't offer that," Robin said, shaking his head. "We're not the police. We'll just have to work it out on our own."

"Speaking of police, how did Billy Numerous get here when he should be in jail?" Cyborg asked as they picked their way out of the kitchen. Two Billy Numerouses were still sprawled across the till, moaning and groaning and rubbing their heads.

"Maybe they're all clones and the real one's still in jail?" Beast Boy suggested.

"Or perhaps it was only the clones at the pear farm?" said Starfire. "And the original is here?"

Outside, the sky was beginning to turn lilac, and the snowy streets were no longer silver but a merry white glistening under the weak rays of the rising sun. Robin checked the time – nearly six o'clock. The police were in for a rough Christmas day. However, before he could phone then station to tell them about the latest attack, a police car and van arrived on the block.

Sgt. Miller was the first out, crunching across the pavement. "Ah, Titans. Should've known you'd already be here."

Robin nodded stiffly. "See-More and Kyd Wykkyd. And Billy Numerous somehow. Did he escape from jail?"

Miller waved a hand over his shoulder, gesturing for his men to go to the bakery and apprehend the criminals inside. "That power cut earlier. He made use of that and got out."

"But-" Starfire blinked, gaze flitting between Robin and Miller- "I had been told the jail cells were not secured by the electricity."

"Panic, confusion. He slipped out and used a clone to make us think he was still there until he was out the building," Miller explained. "We'll make sure we have extra guards on watch until you reach the bottom of this…whatever's going on."

"It's nearly over," Robin assured him, turning to face the East were the sky was blossoming periwinkle. "If our assumption is correct, there's only one more attack to go."

Police officers emerged from the bakery, carrying between them the eleven cement-stricken bodies of See-More, Kyd-Wykkyd and Billy Numerous' clones. As they were deposited in the police van, Miller turned back to the Titans.

"You kids should go home for a bit. Rest up before this final attack, if there is one. We'll take this lot."

The Titans piled back into the T-Car and slowly drove away from the bakery. With the paling sky and waking city, the drowsiness from a sleepless night seemed to fade. Not enough for them to talk, or even to speculate about the final attack. Surely, if whoever was behind this wanted the Titans to be a part of it, they would find some way of letting them know when _twelve drummers drumming_ would come into play.

As they crept down frosty streets, they were aware that more and more people were up and about. A few cars, all heading the same way, a food truck following them. The odd person trundled down the road, bundled up in coats and winter apparel, carrying odd-shaped cases.

It was when one such person, with thick glasses and a hat jammed on his head, traipsed through the snow with a round drum-case on his back that Robin pointed it out.

"It's an odd day for orchestra practice," he said, suspicion evident in his voice. "Odd time, too."

Cyborg watched the musician stifle a yawn and nearly slip on a frozen puddle. "Nah, they're probably heading to the parade. Meant to be starting at sunrise. I was going to go, but…"

Robin stopped listening.

A parade? Through the city?

A parade with drummers.

Perhaps twelve drummers?

"Cyborg," he said. "Follow that drummer!"

* * *

 **Sorry for the random delay, guys. I had initially planned to get this chapter out on Christmas Eve and the next on Christmas Day (seems so long ago now…) but unfortunately I found myself rather busy with people over, and then I was struck down with the worst cold I have had in a long time, and I've only just found myself with a day with another health and time to crack on. As such I'm going to upload both chapters and possibly an epilogue very quickly. Haha.**

 **Chapter title is taken from** _ **Auld Lang Syne,**_ **the words of which come from a poem by Robert Burns in 1788.**

 **A** **lso, fun fact time! Although there have been several variants of 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' over the years, the most commonly used version was coined by Frederic Austin in 1909, hence** _ **Austin Family Bakery.**_


	12. On the Twelfth Day of Christmas

The parade's starting point was at the eastern side of the city, so that they could herald Christmas day in and lead the light through the streets. They had a good day for it; despite the snowfall overnight, the clouds were beginning to split apart, revealing glimpses of dazzling silver.

The Titans parked their car in a small car park and made their way to the congregating crowd. Musicians were setting up their instruments: tuning tubas and strapping drums to their chests. Entertainers and dancers were neatening their costumes and applying make up. There were a few police cars parked nearby, no doubt on call in case something went wrong.

Twelve drummers were assembled at the front of the group, chatting idly and twirling their drumsticks.

With stinging eyes and heavy limbs, the Titans loitered at the edge of the crowd, looking for the villain before they could initiate the final attack.

"Is that- it is! Teen Titans!" someone gasped nearby. A plump woman in a green jumper scurried towards them, smoothing her hair as she went. "I didn't realise- what an honour! Oh, but you look shattered. Here- Oscar! Oscar!"

A thin, balding man scampered over, holding several pieces of paper against a broken clipboard. "Yes, dear?"

"The Titans are here! Bring them some coffee, and some cookies."

"Yes, dear."

Oscar disappeared into the crowd and the woman resumed her babbling about how fantastic it was that they could make it. Fortunately, after a few moments she was remembered she had other duties to attend to and hurried away. Oscar returned shortly with a tray of five coffees and a paper bag of cookies but didn't stay to chat.

Each Titan armed with caffeine and sugar, they split up into the crowd to continue their search. Robin headed towards the musicians and positioned himself between the tuba-players and the trumpeters, sipping his coffee. As the scalding, bitter liquid send waves of warmth and rejuvenation through his body, he listened in one of the trumpeters' conversation.

"My wife's coming later on, so I had to walk because she needs to car," the musician complained, one hand stuffed in his pocket, the other clamped around a polystyrene cup. "At least she can give me a lift back."

"Why's she suddenly coming?" his companion asked. "She told me she couldn't join in the marching band because she was busy."

The trumpeter laughed. "Busy sleeping, maybe. She was meant to be playing in _Swan Lake_ last night but it got cancelled."

Interest piqued, Robin made his presence known by stepping forward and coughing. "What do you mean cancelled?"

The trumpeter turned to him, shocked, but cleared his throat and explained. "She got an email from the director yesterday afternoon. Said the performance had to be cancelled last-minute."

"But the dancers were at the theatre," Robin pointed out. In his mind he replayed the battle with Mumbo, recalling the empty car park and auditorium.

"Dunno. Maybe they were rehearsing?" he said, shrugging. But Robin was already walking away, puzzle pieces floating around his brain.

"Or maybe," he muttered to himself, "they didn't get the email…"

He thought back to every crime that night. The unlocked buildings with no signs of forced entry, the police turning up at the bakery before Robin could alert them. See-More's reluctance to co-operate. Billy Numerous' escape from prison. The anonymous tip about the deal that never happened at the strip club…

It hadn't been an anonymous tip at all. They'd already known. _He'd_ already known.

Robin pushed through the crowds; he had to find his team before the parade started. They had to get to-

"EVERYONE, IN POSITION!" cried the green-jumper lady. "We're beginning in ten seconds!"

There was a flurry of movement as the crowds jostled to get to their starting places whilst spectators gathered on the pavements. The entire street was now quite crowded, tinted gold by the sunlight sending orange splashes across the sky.

Robin spotted Raven and Starfire rise above the hullabaloo, and Cyborg and Beast Boy stepping to the side. He rushed over to them, waving at the girls to join them.

"I know who's behind it," Robin breathed. "It's-"

"And a one, and a two, and a-"

With a crash of cymbals and a merry toot on a bugle, the parade began. A line of police officers, smiling and waving to the cheering crowds, led the group. Then the brass band, fingers raw red from the wintry air. Gymnasts flipped and twirled and cartwheeled next.

Then the drummers.

Only they weren't drummers. They beat out a loud, steady tune, but it didn't take long for the Titans to notice that beneath their tall, red and gold hats, they were in fact a group of people who should have been in jail.

Billy Numerous, Mad Mod, Fang, Gizmo, Mammoth, Dr. Light, Mumbo, Control Freak, Johnny Rancid, Killer Moth, See-More, and Kyd Wykkyd. They marched in a long, single-file line, flanked by dancers waving pieces of red and green gauze.

"Titans," Robin yelled, turning to point dramatically at the false-drummers. "Go!"

For the third time, Billy Numerous was sent spiralling through the air by a well-aimed sonic cannon. Cheering from the watching crowds sputtered, as though unsure if this was part of the act. But, when someone cried out, "Hey, isn't that the moth dude!?" the cheering began again with newly revived vigour.

Mad Mod managed to whack Robin on the head before he was unceremoniously tossed aside. Starfire barrelled forward, eyes aglow, and swept Fang's legs out from underneath him, sending the spider sprawling to the ground.

Cyborg blasted Gizmo out the air as Beast Boy morphed into a gorilla and wrestled Mammoth on the road. Raven grabbed a nearby dustbin and thrust it on top of Dr. Light's head.

Mumbo got as far as to wave his wand a few times – having been using it in lieu of a drumstick – but only managed to conjure a few exploding cards when Starfire grabbed him by his ridiculous collar and deposited him on top of Dr. Light's dustbin. The two went rolling down the street, Dr. Light screaming and Mumbo scrambling to stay on top of the bin.

"See if you enjoy the forced dance movements!" Starfire yelled after them then turned her glare to the next villain in line.

Control Freak gulped and had the sense to at least attempt to escape before a green cow charged at him and knocked him over, then stamped on the remote which had fallen from his pocket. "No!" he cried, scooping up the pieces and pouting. "This is the only one I haven't lost down the back of the sofa…"

Robin performed a triple flip over the green cow and landed in front of Johnny Rancid, who seemed distinctly sulky. With a panicked gape, Johnny dug his shoes into the road and flung his drum forward. Robin bashed it aside easily, whipping out his staff. He brought it down hard on Johnny's head then nonchalantly kicked him aside.

Johnny fell, dazed, onto Killer Moth who growled and jumped into the air, wings unfurling. However, he only rose a few feet when Starfire ignited her fists and shot like a dart towards him. They flew circles around each other, grappling for the upper hand.

Below them, Cyborg ducked to avoid another exploding eye-bomb blasted from See-More's helmet. He dived to the left, rolled, then came up onto his knee, cannon poised. Before he could shoot, See-More plugged the barrel with another eye-shaped projectile.

"I can't believe you fell for the same trick twice!" See-More cackled, too distracted by his mirth to see Cyborg getting up and sprinting towards him.

"I didn't," Cyborg said then smartly walloped him with his cannon-arm. See-More sailed though the air, colliding with Killer Moth who Starfire had defeated with a few good kicks. The two villains fell in a groaning heap on the ground.

Then, with Kyd Wykkyd securely planted in a dustbin by Raven, the Titans surged through the gymnasts and dancers, past the brass band, and finally reached the line of police officers heading the parade. With Robin leading the way, they broke through the ranks and came to stop before a bleary-eyed Sgt. Miller.

"Titans?" he questioned.

"Anything you'd like to tell us, Miller?" said Robin.

Confused, Miller and a few other officers followed the Titans off the road, leaving the rest to continue leading the parade. They found a quiet spot and cornered Miller against brick wall.

"Admit it, Miller," Robin hissed. "You're the one behind the attacks."

Miller spluttered, indignant. "What? I think you need some rest because-"

"Cut the innocent act. We know it was you."

He pursed his lips, gaze flickering between the five sleep-deprived superheroes, and cleared his throat. "And I'm sure you have plenty of evidence to back up this claim?"

"We will."

Miller snorted and shook his head. "You forget that I'm the Police sergeant here. I'm the one with the power to make arrests. And if I say I'm not guilty then I'm not going anywhere." Eyes narrowed, he took a bold step forward, locking gaze with Robin. "You're just a bunch of teenage freaks who have grown too big for your boots. Now I suggest you drop this insane accusation before I arrest you for wasting police time."

He glanced at the other police officers, still awkwardly standing around them, but his expression fell when they frowned thoughtfully.

"Come to think of it," one said, tapping his chin, "you seemed to know that power cut was going to happen."

"What, no I didn't," Miller insisted.

Another officer stepped forward. "No, no, he's got a point. You were the only person who'd saved their work before the power went. I lost three reports – took an hour to type it all up again."

"Yeah, and all those alarms… it's like you were expecting them," said a female officer. "Not to mention Billy Numerous escaped when you were on guard duty."

Robin smirked and crossed his arms. "There was no 'anonymous tip' at _Sugar and Spice_ , was there?"

The sour expression on Miller's face was answer enough. An officer unhooked a pair of handcuffs from his belt, wary at first but Miller merely sighed and allowed his wrists to be bound.

"Why'd you do it, man?" Cyborg asked, scratching his head. "You've been complaining all night about all the attacks, but you were the one organising them?"

"Because of you!" Miller howled. "Because whenever something happens, who gets the credit? The precious _Teen Titans._ Never mind us at the station, filling out the paperwork and making sure they don't escape. We've got to put up with their complaining and shouting and trying to break out. And don't get me _started_ on when they make bail…"

"So your reaction to all the paperwork we get…was to give us more paperwork?" cried one of the officers. "What were you thinking?"

"And now we've got to process the arrest of a _sergeant_ ," sighed another. "On _Christmas."_

Despondent, they marched a grumbling Miller away, back to the top of the street where their cars were parked. The rest of the officers quickly followed to handcuff the remaining villains, vowing not to let them escape _again._

"Anything we can do?" Beast Boy asked, ears dropping at the sight of their tired eyes. However, they shook their heads with tight-lipped smiles.

"We got this. You kids have done enough. I think it's time you got some rest."

They didn't need to be told twice. The Titans marched back up the street to the T-Car and clambered in. The sun head well and truly risen, the clouds had parted, and the city glistened merrily in the morning light. Exhaustion hit them like a snowball to the face, and it took more energy than they had to buckle their seatbelts.

Eventually, Cyborg started the ignition and began to drive. No one could muster up the effort to speak, apart from Robin who mumbled something about not seeing Red X in the parade. No one could be bothered to point out that it was probably because he wouldn't be seen dead wearing one of those ridiculous hats.

Finally, the arrived back at Titans Tower. No more alarms, no more alerts. Just the welcoming silence of their own home. They dragged their feet up the stairs and pared off to their rooms.

 _T'was the morning of Christmas, and all through the city  
Children were opening their presents with glee._

 _Merriment was had in all houses except  
The Tower, where the Titans went to bed – and slept._

* * *

 **There we have it. I'm sure you can guess what this chapter's title is from...**


	13. Whatever Happened To

**Afterword**

 _Parry Partridge._

That night, Parry was visited by three ghosts...  
When he woke up on Christmas morning he sold most of his possessions, including his prized collection of walking canes, and gave the money to the poor and starving of Jump City. He also donated a large amount of perry to the homeless shelter and promised the orphanage a third of his pear harvest the following year, because if he didn't the ghosts had threatened to murder him slowly and painfully when they next came to visit.

 _Mrs. Mod_

Instead of the expensive pair of gloves she'd had her eyes on, Mad Mod's mum instead received another jail postcard from her son, along with a CD of him and his fellow prisoners singing Christmas Carols, the proceeds of which went directly to charity. That night she added the postcard to her fast-growing collection of jail souvenirs and, as the criminals warbled Silent Night to the best of their abilities, she wondered for the umpteenth time where she had gone wrong.

 _Les Trois Poules_ _Françaises_

As promised, they had tickets to their next show sent to the Titans, along with a strict dress code. The singers took it as a personal insult when only Starfire turned up – dressed in what looked like a pantomime dame outfit – thus vowing never to return to Jump City again and denied the city the rights to sell their albums. No one was disappointed, apart from Raven who found their warbling was an excellent Beast Boy repellent.

 _Red X_

After fleeing the butcher's, Red X made his way to the modest apartment he called home. After taking off his costume, he took a nice, hot bath with the lavender bath bombs his grandma sent for his birthday a few months ago. Then, after a warm glass of milk and a cookie – again, courtesy of grandma – he took a nap. He woke up in time to see the parade march past his window, just as Dr. Light rolled away inside a dustbin with Mumbo scrambling to stay on top, both wearing ridiculous red hats.

He drew the curtains and went back to bed.

 _Officer Eyebrows_

Officer Eyebrows finally made it home at 9am on Christmas day to find his wife and children waiting to open presents. Instead of going to bed, he poured himself a bit mug of coffee and dutifully took up position in his armchair to watch the gift-giving. There was one under their meagre Christmas tree for him from his wife. He opened it to find an eyebrow manicure kit. It was the best Christmas ever.

 _The ballet dancers_

When Mumbo was arrested and the dancers were finally allowed to leave the theatre, they made their way to Edith Banner's – one of the swans – house to go through her drinks cabinet. They heralded Christmas in downing Jack Daniels and pulling stray feathers from their hair.

 _Derek Sneed_

The episode of _Extreme Milking_ Control Freak had assaulted was a rerun, and had been watched by the real Derek Sneed. Unable to let go of his strained fame, Derek religiously tuned in whenever he was due to appear, even if it was at 2am on Christmas day. However, this particular viewing was a mistake. He couldn't recall an overweight man in a trench coat bursting onto the set and manhandling him. Neither could he remember that group of weird teenagers from Jump City – what were they called, the Avengers? – appearing moments later and giving chase. And he _certainly_ couldn't remember being unceremoniously dumped in a steaming pile of cow dung.

When the intruders disappeared from the television screen, Derek sat and stared. His own face stared back, and they continued to stare into each other's souls. Then they both reached the same decision.

Perhaps it was time for a change of career.

 _Terry of Terry's Terrific Tower of Trampolines_

With the return of his trampolines and van, Terry was overjoyed. Trampolines of that size and volume didn't come cheap, and the city's insurance companies were becoming more and more reluctant to pay for damages inflicted by the super villains plaguing them. Fortunately, none of the merchandise was damaged or missing. Unfortunately, they were covered in scuff marks, dried mud, and what looked like white fur. Terry was a clean man, and the thought of letting dirty stock into his shop was a distressing one, and so he spent the next two days fervently scrubbing, dusting and vacuuming each and every trampoline. By the time he made it home to spend time with his family, his long-suffering wife had gone, leaving divorce papers on his desk. Life was difficult, but Terry knew it wasn't the end.

He'd bounce back.

 _Slade and Jericho_

Jericho never did turn up to his father's for Christmas, to Slade's despair. He did, however, send a card. The front picture was a typical nativity scene; however, the figure of Joseph had been messily scribbled out with a black marker. There was no message inside apart from a letter from his lawyer, requesting Mr. Wilson to _please refrain from contacting my client unless explicitly asked to._

Nevertheless, Slade put the card on his mantelpiece and sat down to eat dinner alone. As he chewed turkey and sprouts, he dreamt about next Christmas with rekindled hope.

 _Sgt. Miller_

Due to his many years of service, Sgt. Miller was saved from jail time by his supervisor. He was, however, suspended for a month, forced to perform community service, and then banned from working in the field. Instead, he was put to work solely in the office, writing and processing paperwork.

 _The Titans_

After a long sleep, the Titans recovered enough to open their presents and eat their dinner – although Cyborg complained that it would have been better had he been able to prepare it properly. They even tried Beast Boy's vegan gingerbread men which were surprisingly edible. But the best part?

The best part was Robin postponing training for an entire week.

* * *

 **There we have it. After literal _years_ I have finally got this stupid thing out in its entirety. Now to concentrate on less action-based stories which might actually have higher quality writing! Next up for Teen Titans will probably be a reboot of Jump City High (I'm calling it Jump City High Go! It'll have all the same characters except stripped of all personality and likeability and every chapter will be a concoction of bad jokes and idiotic songs. I think it'll work.)**

 **Merry Christmas!**

 **I mean... Happy New Year!**

 **Or, uhh... You know what, just have a good day. Whoever you are.**

 **Flare, the Frivolous~**


End file.
